Yea this is an unhappy post.
Last night. I had a fun night. Met a couple new people. Just chilled. It was shweet. Didn't get home until 4:30am. Of course my parents happened to be getting up just as I was walking in the door.
Perfect timing.
Dad met me half way on the stairs. He was pissed. He started asking why I was late. I told him, I don't know, cause I am. Cause I just got home. I didn't have really an excuse at all. I was hanging out with people and decided to stay out past curfew. I told him that straight up. He goes on to question my judgement and why I would think that is okay when I know my curfew was at 2 and it is his house and I need to follow the rules while living here.
He told me that all I cared about was freedom and no responsibility. Bullshit.
I told him I was sorry. He told me know that I'm not. He was right. I didn't have anything to say to that.
We stood there in silence.
Finally I asked what he was waiting for me to say. What did he want to hear from me. He was like good point, I don't want an apology and I know if I say don't do it again, you will anyway. So what are we going to do about this. I asked instead what he was going to do about it because what I would do and what he would do would be totally different. He told me I was right but nothing else was said.
I said goodnight and went to bed.
This is what pisses me off is cause I work my ass off every single day to prove to them I can be responsible. I do everything they ask me to and I don't complain. I get to work on time. I make all my own appointments and don't miss any of them. I clean up after myself. Do my own laundry. Pay for my own gas. Buy anything I need with my own money. Even sometimes by my own groceries. I've always been home on time for curfew.
I come home late one time. One time in a long time. And I get bitched at and told I'm not responsible and I just care about abusing my freedom. Seriously?
A week ago we had a conversation about responsibility and they were lecturing me on all the things I would eventually be responsible in life some day. I was like that's great, what does that have to do with right now? They didn't have an answer except they wanted me to understand that that's what I'm gonna have to do in life some day. I told them yea I know that...but I don't have to be right now, you guys offer to cover those things now and if you asked me to cover them I would find a way but you don't ask me to cause you know I can't afford to. But out of all the things you do ask me to cover, what am I not being responsible for? They couldn't answer that. Why? Cause there wasn't anything I wasn't being responsible for.
Then they say something about making sure I know how to keep a budget. Okay yea i'm pretty sure I know how to handle my money. I've always made sure I have enough to cover what I need and I've never over-drawn an account so I'm pretty sure I'm good there. And they were just like oh okay good.
Like seriously?
It's never, We're so proud of the great job you're doing Alana! We see you're working so hard and you've done a great job taking care of everything you need to. Way to go, keep up the good work.
No it's nothing until I mess something up and then it's all me being irresponsible and shit. Omg sorry for not being perfect and making mistakes and breaking the rules once in a great while. My bad.
I've put in 48 hours of work just this week. It's been like that for three weeks now and is gonna be like that for at least another two weeks. I'm going to have a streak of working 44+ days straight. Don't tell me I'm not doing shit. And I'm sorry for wanting to hang out with my friends when I get the time.
GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! This is all such bullshit.
Ohh and to top it all off, Nicole is pissed at me cause I decided I didn't want to lie to matt about going over to her friends house last night. Cause last night she told him we were just hanging at her house and I was like whatever yea I don't want you guys fighting so thats fine if you tell him that. And all today and I played it off like me and her just chilled. Well then he called me tonight and we were talking about things and I felt that I needed to tell him what really happened last night cause I didn't like lying to him. So I did. And he was upset. Which I understand. But then he had to call Nicole right away. So he did and he bitched her out and then she texted me blaming it all on me. Okay I didn't know he was going to sit there and bitch at her. I honestly didn't.
But yea now she's pissed at me. Which I understand cause I told her I would lie and then I broke her trust. But matthew is also one of my best friends and I hate lying to him. I've known him a lot longer and we are a lot closer than me and nicole are.
I just hate being close to both of them cause I never know what to tell them and what not to tell them. I don't want to lie to them about things but I also don't want them to be pissed at me for telling things. What the hell am I suppose to do then?? I just don't know.
I try so hard just to stay out of it but I always end up getting sucked in. I just wanted to be honest. I wanted to do the right thing. What I felt was right at least. But I never end up doing it in the end. I always mess up some how no matter how hard I try.
I do so much shit for these people too. Like seriously you don't even know and again I make a mistake and just get bitched at instead.
Can you telling I'm pmsing? I'm an emotional wreck right now. Usually happens around this time. Like anyone cares.
I like the happy me. I want to stay the happy me. I don't need drama.
Thanks guys. I doubt anyone will read all of this but I just needed to really vent. It's mainly my parents that are the issues right now anyway.
Okay I need to sleep. Good Night everyone
Ohh and on a good note....Brad's birthday party is later today!!!!!! I'm so looking forward to that cause I know for sure that it is going to take my mind off everything and I'm going to have a great time with all my awesome friends that always make me laugh and smile. So HELLZ TO THE FUCK YEA!!!!!!! can't wait =D
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Holy shit I did what?!?!?
Ahhhh parties. Love them and hate them at the same time. Love them cause they are great ways to meet new people, they are tons of fun usually and it's just nice to feel like a rebel and break the rules once and a while =P. Hate them because the way you feel in the morning and the sense of what the hell happened as the memories slowly come back and then what the hell happened turns into holy shit I did what?
It's funny how you always feel like your judgement is right on as you're drinking. You always feel like you know exactly what's going on and you wouldn't do anything stupid. Yea is that a load of B.S. I figured out my judgement sucks when I drink. Not that I drink or anything cause that is illegal for me. =)
Soooooo that brings me to last night. Ohhh what a wonderfully horrible night. Nicole had a couple friends who were going to chill and drink and she invited me along. Well it turned out to be me and her plus like 7 or 8 guys. These are all guys I've never met before too. Long story short....I didn't end up going home like I had planned and I have a hickey the size of texas on my neck.
Okay but seriously I couldn't resist. He was a musician and he pulled out his guitar and started singing and it was really hott and I'm sorry but I can't resist a guy who plays and instrument and it's even a bonus when he can sing. Andd he was super nice. Double bonus.
That's beside the point. My point is don't let anyone suck on your neck creating a huge hickey no matter how drunk you are. They are really hard to hide.....=/
Anywayyyy....that was probably TMI for you guys......my badd.
I work all day tomorrow....like I did today...and the day before...and the day before that...and I think maybe even the day before that day. Ugh. I'm worn out. Ohh and I just gave away my only day off this month to train at the dungeon. Yay.... It looks like march is going to be close to the same way too.
Okay you guys know I could ramble on for hours about pointless things that no body but me cares about and I was starting to do that but don't worry. I will spare you the pain. I know, I'm so kind =P
Good night everyone. Sweet dreams!
=)
It's funny how you always feel like your judgement is right on as you're drinking. You always feel like you know exactly what's going on and you wouldn't do anything stupid. Yea is that a load of B.S. I figured out my judgement sucks when I drink. Not that I drink or anything cause that is illegal for me. =)
Soooooo that brings me to last night. Ohhh what a wonderfully horrible night. Nicole had a couple friends who were going to chill and drink and she invited me along. Well it turned out to be me and her plus like 7 or 8 guys. These are all guys I've never met before too. Long story short....I didn't end up going home like I had planned and I have a hickey the size of texas on my neck.
Okay but seriously I couldn't resist. He was a musician and he pulled out his guitar and started singing and it was really hott and I'm sorry but I can't resist a guy who plays and instrument and it's even a bonus when he can sing. Andd he was super nice. Double bonus.
That's beside the point. My point is don't let anyone suck on your neck creating a huge hickey no matter how drunk you are. They are really hard to hide.....=/
Anywayyyy....that was probably TMI for you guys......my badd.
I work all day tomorrow....like I did today...and the day before...and the day before that...and I think maybe even the day before that day. Ugh. I'm worn out. Ohh and I just gave away my only day off this month to train at the dungeon. Yay.... It looks like march is going to be close to the same way too.
Okay you guys know I could ramble on for hours about pointless things that no body but me cares about and I was starting to do that but don't worry. I will spare you the pain. I know, I'm so kind =P
Good night everyone. Sweet dreams!
=)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I had some interesting dreams
While I was sleeping during the movies at Brad's today. I really need to stop doing that....like for real. It's almost habit to fall asleep while watching movies now. I feel bad =//
Jake is super sexy though in Prince of Persia
Just saying....
I voted no today for the Jenison thing. Not that I don't want to see improvements to the school or anything, I do, cause they really do need it butttt I don't like how they threw in the theater to the business. Sure it would be nice to have a nice theater but with the economy the way it is, there are for closed houses in jenison even, and now taxes are gonna be raised so Jenison can have a theater. I just don't think this is the right time to be doing it. That's all.
Me and my parents got in an argument today about pit bulls cause they were saying how a pet pit bull killed a 10 day old baby and how there has been like 6 deaths by pit bulls lately. They were implying that all pitbulls were mean aggressive dogs and can't be trained out of it but that's soooo not trueee. Just look it up on-line and if you get a pitbull breed out of a line with no to very little fighting history and you know how to train it, they are actually quite lovable and kind dogs!
Apparently Miniature Schnauzers are suitable with little kids. Who knew? I guess just because they are so stubborn and bossy that they could snap or bite little kids if the kids are too much for them to handle and since little kids don't know boundaries yet. I could def see that for sure. Charlie is def like that. If he wants something he will make it clear and if he doesn't get what he wants he won't leave you alone till he gets it. Silly puppy.
Well I am tired. So i'm gonna go to sleep. I love sleep. =)
Night
=)
Jake is super sexy though in Prince of Persia
Just saying....
I voted no today for the Jenison thing. Not that I don't want to see improvements to the school or anything, I do, cause they really do need it butttt I don't like how they threw in the theater to the business. Sure it would be nice to have a nice theater but with the economy the way it is, there are for closed houses in jenison even, and now taxes are gonna be raised so Jenison can have a theater. I just don't think this is the right time to be doing it. That's all.
Me and my parents got in an argument today about pit bulls cause they were saying how a pet pit bull killed a 10 day old baby and how there has been like 6 deaths by pit bulls lately. They were implying that all pitbulls were mean aggressive dogs and can't be trained out of it but that's soooo not trueee. Just look it up on-line and if you get a pitbull breed out of a line with no to very little fighting history and you know how to train it, they are actually quite lovable and kind dogs!
Apparently Miniature Schnauzers are suitable with little kids. Who knew? I guess just because they are so stubborn and bossy that they could snap or bite little kids if the kids are too much for them to handle and since little kids don't know boundaries yet. I could def see that for sure. Charlie is def like that. If he wants something he will make it clear and if he doesn't get what he wants he won't leave you alone till he gets it. Silly puppy.
Well I am tired. So i'm gonna go to sleep. I love sleep. =)
Night
=)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Catch up time
So wow, excluding the post from last night, it has almost been two months since my last post and so many things have happened since then! I will try to re-cap as much as possible in the shortest amount of words. Hahh I can't believe I just said that....
Alright well I had a decent December. Can't really remember anything that happened...... Wow my short-term memory is horrible! I'm pretty sure I just worked, volunteered at the zoo, and hung out with friends. Christmas was normal, nothing too exciting. I bought a Kinect and Xbox with my Christmas money. That was purtyy sweet. Actually no, it was fricken awesome and I'm like obsessed with the Kinect now. It is such a great workout!
January went well also. I didn't through a New Years party at my house cause my parent were gone and they don't have high suspicions of it and I didn't lie to them and deny ever bit of it. Nope. Never happened. Silly parents. Me and Nicole started becoming really great friends. It is nice to have a close girlfriend for a change. Girlfriend as in a girl thats a friend. I know what some of you were thinking.....>=( I became a lot more busy with workk which wasn't so bad considering how I was completely broke from christmas........spent wayyyyyy too much money =//
February has been fricken busy as hell. The Avenged concert was pretty fricken amazing from what I was able to catch....oh how I was I wasn't so small and weak. Got a job interview and then got hired at the Dungeon. Pretty fricken awesome I must say. I'm training and loving it! Valentine's day was over-rated as always. Yea my schedule has been work, zoo, zoo, work, work, work, work ect. Literally each and every day. I will have had two days off this whole month. Crazy. It is def wearing on me but the money is totally worth it.
Well I must say that wasn't too bad......for it being me =P
My current thoughts and whatnot?
Life is good. I feel like a new me. I feel happy and very content with where everything in my life stands. This is the first time I've felt this way in a very long time. I have no drama. Hardly any stress. I'm successful. Things are going better with my parents....not the greatest but better. But yea. I'm just happy.
I feel like I've gone through a lot of change this past year and even these last couple of months. I have a different outlook on life and people and I see things I wasn't able to before. I don't even know how to explain it in words other than, I'm not crazy anymore. And seriously... I look back at myself and I really was crazy! I feel bad for everyone who had to put up with me. I promise I'm not like that anymore for all of you who really care.
Ohh I finally have a plan that I'm actually looking forward to! I found out that MSU has a great Zoology program that has a concentration in Neurobiology and Animal behavior! SCORE! That is exactly what I would like to study and I don't have to go out of state or even too far away for it. This makes me happy cause I could not stand to leave all your beautiful faces! I'm stilling planning on taking ged eds a C.C. for a couple years. It's cheaper. I'm also planning on moving out by the fall and my parents are totally for me doing that which is awesome!
I applied for a seasonal position at the Zoo being a Zookeeper Aide. $10 an hour! I will take that for sure. It beats sunsets $7.40. And I could even quit sunset if I got that job! Wouldn't that be fricken amazing? But I will for sure have enough money to move out then by the fall. If I don't work myself to death that is. =P
As for my love life....it is non-exsistant and I'm actually alright with that for the most part. Yea I would like someone but am I desperate or in a hurry? Nope. I can't believe it has been almost a year that i've been single! I'm just keeping my eye out and options open. I think I rather focus on building up the relationships with my friends anywayy. They mean the most to me and I appreciate every one of them!
Ignorance by Paramore is the song of the week. I have had it stuck in my head allllllllll day! But it is soooo good!
I need new music though. I am determined to find something on my own though! Of course everything I find is probably gonna be something everyone has heard but I missed. Haha that's how it always is. Ohhh wellll, it is new to me! =D
I'm so going to start watching South Park. I can't believe I just said that. I love how so totally against it I was and now look at me.........so sad. See what my friends turn me into?? =P
Alright well seeing as I have to be to the zoo by 8 tomorrow, I should probably get some sleep. It was wonderful catching up with all you lovely blogger people out there. I hope everyone has a great night and sleeps well!
=)
Alright well I had a decent December. Can't really remember anything that happened...... Wow my short-term memory is horrible! I'm pretty sure I just worked, volunteered at the zoo, and hung out with friends. Christmas was normal, nothing too exciting. I bought a Kinect and Xbox with my Christmas money. That was purtyy sweet. Actually no, it was fricken awesome and I'm like obsessed with the Kinect now. It is such a great workout!
January went well also. I didn't through a New Years party at my house cause my parent were gone and they don't have high suspicions of it and I didn't lie to them and deny ever bit of it. Nope. Never happened. Silly parents. Me and Nicole started becoming really great friends. It is nice to have a close girlfriend for a change. Girlfriend as in a girl thats a friend. I know what some of you were thinking.....>=( I became a lot more busy with workk which wasn't so bad considering how I was completely broke from christmas........spent wayyyyyy too much money =//
February has been fricken busy as hell. The Avenged concert was pretty fricken amazing from what I was able to catch....oh how I was I wasn't so small and weak. Got a job interview and then got hired at the Dungeon. Pretty fricken awesome I must say. I'm training and loving it! Valentine's day was over-rated as always. Yea my schedule has been work, zoo, zoo, work, work, work, work ect. Literally each and every day. I will have had two days off this whole month. Crazy. It is def wearing on me but the money is totally worth it.
Well I must say that wasn't too bad......for it being me =P
My current thoughts and whatnot?
Life is good. I feel like a new me. I feel happy and very content with where everything in my life stands. This is the first time I've felt this way in a very long time. I have no drama. Hardly any stress. I'm successful. Things are going better with my parents....not the greatest but better. But yea. I'm just happy.
I feel like I've gone through a lot of change this past year and even these last couple of months. I have a different outlook on life and people and I see things I wasn't able to before. I don't even know how to explain it in words other than, I'm not crazy anymore. And seriously... I look back at myself and I really was crazy! I feel bad for everyone who had to put up with me. I promise I'm not like that anymore for all of you who really care.
Ohh I finally have a plan that I'm actually looking forward to! I found out that MSU has a great Zoology program that has a concentration in Neurobiology and Animal behavior! SCORE! That is exactly what I would like to study and I don't have to go out of state or even too far away for it. This makes me happy cause I could not stand to leave all your beautiful faces! I'm stilling planning on taking ged eds a C.C. for a couple years. It's cheaper. I'm also planning on moving out by the fall and my parents are totally for me doing that which is awesome!
I applied for a seasonal position at the Zoo being a Zookeeper Aide. $10 an hour! I will take that for sure. It beats sunsets $7.40. And I could even quit sunset if I got that job! Wouldn't that be fricken amazing? But I will for sure have enough money to move out then by the fall. If I don't work myself to death that is. =P
As for my love life....it is non-exsistant and I'm actually alright with that for the most part. Yea I would like someone but am I desperate or in a hurry? Nope. I can't believe it has been almost a year that i've been single! I'm just keeping my eye out and options open. I think I rather focus on building up the relationships with my friends anywayy. They mean the most to me and I appreciate every one of them!
Ignorance by Paramore is the song of the week. I have had it stuck in my head allllllllll day! But it is soooo good!
I need new music though. I am determined to find something on my own though! Of course everything I find is probably gonna be something everyone has heard but I missed. Haha that's how it always is. Ohhh wellll, it is new to me! =D
I'm so going to start watching South Park. I can't believe I just said that. I love how so totally against it I was and now look at me.........so sad. See what my friends turn me into?? =P
Alright well seeing as I have to be to the zoo by 8 tomorrow, I should probably get some sleep. It was wonderful catching up with all you lovely blogger people out there. I hope everyone has a great night and sleeps well!
=)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What?
Wow it's been a long time. Kinda sad I must sayy but I have been really busy so I suppose I have a valid excuse right?
Well I don't have too much time to say much. I really should be sleeping right now seeing as I have to work all day tomorrow. I really should try and post more often again though!
I must say. Life is really good right now. Minus a couple missing details. I'm finally figuring everything out and getting to a point where I understand myself completely and I'm happy with who I am. I've done a lot of growing up this past year. I look at everything differently now.
I love my friends so very much. They are awesome and can totally make my day. I would be lost without them! =)
But seriously. Bed needs to happen now.
Stay tuned for upcoming posts!
=D
Well I don't have too much time to say much. I really should be sleeping right now seeing as I have to work all day tomorrow. I really should try and post more often again though!
I must say. Life is really good right now. Minus a couple missing details. I'm finally figuring everything out and getting to a point where I understand myself completely and I'm happy with who I am. I've done a lot of growing up this past year. I look at everything differently now.
I love my friends so very much. They are awesome and can totally make my day. I would be lost without them! =)
But seriously. Bed needs to happen now.
Stay tuned for upcoming posts!
=D
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