Sadface to the max =(

Oww. I have a headache. I have had one all night so far. Sadface to the max.

Today was good. I had an appointment with my Therapist. She seemed really happy with the progress that I have been making and said I was starting to think and sound very mature. I was very happy about that! Then I went to sunset to set up a set schedule and then went home to call VIPets and gave them my schedule. Then class was at 4:30 and it was test day. I was the second one to get done. I'm not sure if that is good or bad but I feel really good about how it went. After that I went to Culterville which ended up being a terrifying driving experience! I had to turn left to get onto the on ramp for the highway and it was a green light and everyone in the left lane was turning and when it was my turn, all the sudden cars started coming across so I had to stop and it was those stupid stoplights that you can only tell what color they are from a certain angle and so I was really confused and didn't think it was my turn cause cars kept going by me and then all the sudden that bitch of a lady behind me started honking her horn several times and I could see her mouthing GO! but I could cause there were cars from the other direction turning into the on ramp so what am I suppose to do? Drive right into them? Umm no. So as she honked several more times like I couldn't hear her....finally the cars stopped and I assumed it was my turn to go so I went. I was like freaking out though cause I had no idea what was going on....so scary. Then the highway was like super busy too. I have to remember not to go at 5:30...bad idea.

So yea went home, did homework, Dad made me dinner, got bored, brad came over, played guitar hero for a bit, bryan said we could come over, rode with brad to bryan's and we watched Robin Hood. Very good movie but very long. Bryan slept through the whole thing lol. After that we chilled. Grant came over and we chilled some moree. We watched this monster catfish thing show. Very exciting. I was suppose to be home at 12....so Dad called at 1 very pissed off that I wasn't home yet. Ohhhh wellll. He wasn't even up when I got home so whatever. He will like mention it tomorrow and blah blah blah and then be over it.

I'm going shopping tomorrow with Bryan, Brad, Mike? and whoever else. Gotta buy my drug rug! Haha. Should be a fun time. I'm so excited about having the whole weekend off to do nothing!!! It's going to be awesome...i hope....

I'm your friend.

Ummmmmmmmmm i don't have much to say tonight. Bryan and Grant better do a blog tonight! Cause I feel like they haven't done one in foreverrrrrrrrrrr. That's a long time. Like really long. So they should get on that. And be funny. Cause that is what they are good at. Very good at. I like to laugh. A lot. They make me laugh. A lot. Soooo yeaaaa....FUNNY! =D

Sweeeet Tangerineeee

I've been listening to the Hush Sound way too much the last couple of days. It's a good change though. I haven't listened to something like them in a long time and I really like it. Plus they are really good so that helps too. Yay musiccc! Oh how I love you so. I would come up with an awesome analogy right here but I have to admit, I'm not good at analogies at all. Grant is though....that one about dinosaurs today....giggle giggle!! And the one about the 40s women or something. Great one too. Haha.

Do you ever have that feeling where you just feel like you're going to pass out. That's how I feel like now...well at least the whole time I've had this headache at least. It just is a throbbing pressure that makes me feel very light-headed and like I'm gong to pass out any second. It is so strange and I'm not really sure what to do about it. Well I suppose I'm just gonna let it go. I've always wondered what it would be like to pass out....hmmm maybe I will get to find out! That would be like totally awesome! Well kinda....except for the fact that I would be passed out....hmm....

I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I'm probably going to be drawing the whole time. Any suggestions as to what I should draw? Like seriously??!! I'm getting sick of drawing the same things over and over so if you have something. Please let me know! Lol. A three hour and fifteen min class is not that fun at all.

Okay imma go to bed now. Good night everybody! Hope you all sleep well....or at least get some sleep! =P Have a great day tomorrow!

Lana =)

Pudge controls the weather

Okayy so I really don't feel like doing a blog right now. I am super tired. I probably should start getting to bed earlier. Which is sad cause earlier for me would mean like 9 or 10, for others, this would be early. Yea I have no idea why I am so tired though. Maybe cause I've been working a lot? Like the fast 5 days in a row I've worked at one place or another. So yea, when I'm done with this blog, it's off to bed for me!

Today was normal. The only thing that was interesting was that I went into VIPets today cause they found my old application and wanted to update it. So I went in and talked to the manager and he explained everything I would be doing if I got a job there and wanted to know about what I do at the zoo and stuff. I think it went well over all. The only thing was that I really didn't know what to expect going in there so I really didn't know what to say to him when he was talking to me and he had me fill out the application while he was talking so it was hard to like listen to him and fill it out at the same time. Idk. But we shall see!

Umm yea so i worked and the zoo and came home and chilled with my sister and that was about it. A new GH episode was on tonight. It was pretty awesome! I gotta say though, I really miss Steve and Tango. They like totally made the show. I hope they come back soon!

I love doing tests. It is fun...well not fun but just interesting to find out what the results are. I'm currently running some tests right now. We shall see how they turn out. I have a feeling I know exactly was the results are going to be. I hate to say it but when they say girls know everything, their not lying. We do know everything and if we don't, we will find out. We have our ways. I just hate it sometimes cause then I have to do things that I don't want to do but somethings you just need to do to get results. Otherwise you my never know things.

Yea, okay, I'm way too tired to even think right now. I'm off to bed. Maybe I will update in the morning (I always say that but never do...). Night everyone!!

Lana

Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?

Oh lets see...where to start. Well my day was fine. I worked at the zoo from 8-4 and got to play with lemurs! Well from behind a window. I have pictures. I shall have to post them sometime. They are soooo cute! Right after the zoo I headed to math where we just did review for the upcoming test. So boring. I went home, ate food, and watched a movie. Now I've been messing around on-line and currently am writing this blog. Very exciting day. I know.

Wow...I never thought that I would hear my parents say we need money. That is what my mom told me when I asked her why she was selling her car. You have to understand that I have had an amazing childhood. I got pretty much everything that I asked for. I was always able to get my parents to buy me things. We had traveled across the country seeing everything! As I got older they bought me a car, paid for my gas, let me go to Romania, the Bahamas, Washington D.C. I honestly can say that I was a spoiled child...although I believe the reason I was has to do with things that I rather now get into at the moment. So when I hear that we need more money...it comes as a huge shock to me. My parents have always been well off and just a few years ago we were completely debt free, no house payments or anything. Now I feel really bad about all the things they have spent money on me recently...like I feel horrible. Apparently my Dad is making less than half of what he had been making which is crazy cause he is like the top insurance agent at his company. Idk...it just strikes me hard.

So my mom walks downstairs while I'm watching my movie and was all like "So this is totally random but on Sunday we are having a shower for Erin (my cousin)..." and I was like "A shower for Erin, why?" and she was like "She's getting married, didn't you know that?" and I was like "Ummmm no...." and she was like "I thought we told you then." and I was like "Mom you never tell me anything! What the heck!" and then she continued on to ask if I was going to be able to go. So yea...apparently my cousin is getting married. The wedding will be in Costa Rica though, that's where she lives and where her fiance is from. She's been doing Mission work in that area for a while now. Pretty awesome I gotta say!

My thoughts have been going crazyyyyy today. Like seriously. I worry about things way too much and I have a feeling that I'm wrong about of a lot of things...or maybe I'm hoping I am...cause I really don't know. I just wonder what things that I have been told are truth or lies. I almost feel like I'm being told what I want to hear. I just have a hard time knowing what to think anymore. I know what I want to think but I can't help thinking about the things that I don't what to think and that causes me to think even more. Am I doing anything right though? I have no idea. I don't want to be annoying but at the same time I don't want to be put aside and forgotten about. I can't help feeling second and not important. Like I said, way too many things going through my head. I don't want to really go into anymore detail than that.

Tampon.

I totally was thinking about something today in math that I needed to write about in my blog and I was going to write it down but of course I told myself that I didn't need to and that I would remember....haha. It is like really bugging the crap out of me though. You have no idea!

Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?

I totally feel like my schedule is crazy and that it's about to become crazier. I have school, work, homework, volunteering, a billion appointment, a ton of things I need to do like get a tutor, talk to teachers, get an oil change, get gas, go to the mall, get kaki pants. Lots of things. And then I might be adding yet another job to everything. Oh and I was talking with the zoo keeper that I was working with and she suggested that I talk to the volunteer coordinator and see if I can't follow the vet tech who works at the zoo around. So that would be yet another thing to add to my schedule. Then I worry about things on top of all that. I'm starting to get kinda stressed out. But not near as bad as last year. It's funny...okay well not really funny but the way I can tell if I am stressed out is cause my back right shoulder, the muscle there will just start throbbing and a huge knot with form. That also happnens when I've been working all day...which I have. At least I know now how to handle my stress and not let it get to me. Things are still going good!

Smart Water doesn't make you smart.

Mmmm my hands smell good right now...not that I was just sitting here smelling them or anything... Okay I was but not gonna lie, I really like the way my hands smell after I take a shower cause it almost has that chlorine smell to it but not quite and mmmm it just smells good!

Fun fact: John Ball zoo is 119 years old. CRAZY! I just found that out and apparently they had a bear escape in the late 1800's and they couldn't herd it back in so they just shot it. Hunting was a way of life back then I suppose lol. Oh and the bear's name was Jack.

So many people have been asking me to work this weekend. But I have this whole weekend off and I'm sorry but I'm going to keep it that way. I haven't had a full weekend off since like the start of summer, not including the days that I asked off. I just want to have a weekend to do whatever I want and actually have a sunday that I don't have to work cause I know for sure that i've worked the last 4 or 5 sundays now.

Okay that is all I got for now. I'm sure there is stuff that I was going to say that I forgot about. I might be up for a little while still so maybe I will update if I remember them....If i remember to that is.

At least I won't be woken up out of a very deep sleep like I was this morning. Like I was seriously sleeping so good, so sound and having a good dream too and of course they radio goes on.

My hand still smells good! =)

Alrighty people. I hope you all have a really good night. Feel free to text me whenever! Have a great day tomorrow. Sleep well, sweet dreams and I shall talk laterr!

Lana

Can't blame you for thinking
That you never really knew me at all
I tried to deny you
But nothing ever made me feel so wrong

I thought I was protecting you
From everything that I go through
But I know that we got lost along the way

Here I am with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me


Just know that I'm sorry
I never wanted to make you feel so small
Our story is just beginning
But let the truth break down these walls (oh yeah yeah)

And every time I think of you
I think of how you pushed me through
And show me how much better I could be

Here I am with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me

You make me feel like I'm myself
Instead of being someone else
I wanna live that every day
You say what no one else was saying
You know exactly how to get to me
You know it's what I need
It's what I need yeah

Just the way you are

Heeellllllooooooooooo! =)

I'm tired. But that's alright! Cause I had fun the last couple of days! Let's seeee. I actually slept really well last night. The floor was really comfy thanks to blankets and a sleeping bag! I had my pillow with me also! Except my tiger was missing.....I felt so weird with out him. But as my Dad would say "You're 19." and it's truee...I need to learn to deal without my tiger. Well I guess it's not like I can't have my tiger. I just like to hug things with one of my arms as I'm falling asleep, it's hard for me to do so without anything to hug! I made do last night though!

Anywayyyyy I slept really well until Grant's alarm went off...which I thought was Ryan's at the time but apparently not....and then I fell back asleep on and off until I fully woke up at like 11 and realized that Grant probably should be getting up too so I woke him up. Then we went down to breakfast and ate food. Grant and Jeff then went off to class and I went back to Grant and Ryan's dorm where I did like nothing...okay I lied, I picked up my "bed" and did homework and had fun with post-it notes! Hehe. Then around oneish everyone came back and I guess it was time for lunch so me, Ryan, and Grant headed down for lunch. Got in free today thanks to Grant boobs! We sat down to eat and Jeff shows up out of no where, not eating just to sit...ugh. Then we quickly ate and headed back to the dorm where we say and watched more videos and I looked at magazines and not much happened but it was still niceee. Grant had to leave for class and I hung around a bit later and then decided to leave.

So yea, got to my car and guess what was on it. Yup. A ticket. Haha not surprised I suppose and maybe I will get out of it like I got out of the last one I got there! We shall see. But that also means I have to go back up to WMU again sometime in the next 2 weeks cause if I wait longer I will have to pay $25 instead of $15 and I don't want that. So I'm like totally bummed to have to go back...not looking forward to it at all.......Kidding! I'm totally excited! cause I have lots of fun with my friends up there forrr shizzle.

I had to like fly home cause I left later than I should've and silly me didn't think about the traffic. I got home like 15 mins till and flew upstairs to change. Ran to my car and sped away but then I realized I forgot my phone and so I had to turn around and get it of course. All and all I ended up being 2 mins late for work. Sadfacee. But yeaaa. Work was the slowest that I've ever had it be. I worked in the Cafe and seriously from 6:30 to 8 we had no tables at all. So we sat there and did nothing until we could clean up and that took us like 15 mins so we got to sit for another 45 mins. It was sooo much fun...not. We do have pretty interesting conversations though. Like how guys are dumb and can never make up their minds, or engagement rings, or better yet, the Bi nurse that works up stairs threatening one of the nurse-aids (who is like low 20's might I add) who is sleeping with some older guy and the nurse likes. Yea...we have crazy people at sunset.

Now I am sitting at home chatting with people and writing this blog. I am such an exciting person!

I just realized that I need to expand my vocabulary. Cause as I am talking to people it is consisting of "lol, haha, mhmmm, yeaa, awesome, sweet and ohh" I never really was that great with english. I'm not one of those people either who can always come up with something clever and funny to say. Then I also run into the problem of not knowing what to say cause I don't want to sound stupid but I don't know what to say to sound smart either and thats when those words come into play. I only seem to have this probably mainly when I'm talking on the computer or texting someone though. That's why I like talking on the phone or in person so much better. I just feel like it's an easier way to chat about things. And it's a lot quicker too. Random thoughtttt!

I have to walk downstairs again...in the dark...ughh. I don't like the dark.....=(

Well hopefully everything is getting better. I think it is. I have a good feeling at least. =)

Well off to bed. Zoo bright and early tomorrow morning and then class right after that. I don't want to be too tired! I hope everyone had a good nights sleep and has a great day tomorrow!

Lana =)

yummm food

it is late....early? its 3 am i should say and im sitting in a chair in grant and ryans dorm room spinning round and round and round! woot! tis fun but i am getting super dizzy at the moment and i probably should stop.
i stopped
today was good. i went to church and then to work which was good and then i did stuff at home and then came to western! woot! i talked to megan and caught up with her which was super nice. got to play some rockband too! yayness! thenn went back to g and ryans dorm and watched videos. ryan went to bed and me and g were going to watch the new episode of family guy but it was taking forever to load so we watched the whole muse concert whille waiting.
i love muse. like a lot.

now we are both sitting here blogging cause i almost forgot to until g reminded me that i havent yet today. which reminds me to do something. which i will probably forget to do by the end of this...ohh well. haha.

ummmmmmmmm yea im doing this all on my phone so its not going to be that long tonight. im slow at typing right now for some reason....im sleepy. it is wayyyyy past my bed time.

people need to learn that no usually means no.

i came prepared tonight! i wont have to suffer on the hard floor this time. although i am freezing right now! apparently the window is open...brrrr.

yes. for being tired i am in a good mood right now. welll except for the fact that some ppl keep texting me. ugh.

omg i am soooo out of it right now im not sure if i even know what im typing......rawrrrr.

okay i think i should go....before i start saying stuff that i shouldnt say lol

nightt!
lana

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11:11

It's 11:11 right now! Make a wish!!........................haha.......you know what I just realized? It's really not 11:11 right...I set my alarm clock 10 mins early so if I'm in a hurry or getting ready for something, I might think I'm behind when I look at the clock...but I'm really now. See you would think that I would just know that it is 10 mins fast and then take my time...butttt thanks to my lovely memory, I always forget that it's ten mins fast even though I've had it this way for over six months. Yea, sad I know. Actually I even forgot this morning. How sad...

So yea. Today was not a very good day for me. Well it was but then again it wasn't. See I was suppose to work down in Village 2 or the cafe as some call it but no...three or four girls called in "sick" and put AL short and Village short. So cause I'm "newer" I got pulled to work down in Village. When I got there I found out they also pulled someone from Manor too. So that left AL short, Manor short, and Village 2 short...at least we weren't short although we almost were but the girl showed up late. So yea. I got to work with all the new girls, so new that I don't even know their names at all and the whole time I was doing my job plus their jobs and helping them out cause even though they normally work there, they don't know what they are doing! It drove me crazy.

*Pause*

Okay now it's 11:11!!! So wish time!...................Wish made!

*Continue*

The sad part is that I did my job and a lot of random other stuff and I still got done before everyone. That doesn't make sense at all. I only got a 15 min break too. After that fun stuff I went to V2 where I would be working the night shift. I start helping them with all the jobs we have to do at that time and I just sit down when the student manager comes up and is like "So I have bad news....I'm going to have to pull one of you up to manor cause we are short two girls there." Of course...I was the one to be pulled up. so again, I got to work with the brand new girls who don't know what they were doing. I'm glad the student manager let me go when I was doing all my stuff. Usually we have to wait for everyone but she was nicee.

They only good thing about all that was that it made me feel good being able to help everyone out and for them to be asking me questions and look to me for help. Being able to tell people what to do is nice too and actually have them listen too. I was like "you aren't doing anything? Go do this, go help her finish that" and they would listen! It made me feel good! Haha.

OH! So you guys know this already but I have to mention it....I might be getting a second job at VIPets! I know, it sounds really dorky, but I am actually really excited! I've applied there like three times already and I didn't even have to do anything this time and I might get a job there! Anything working with animals is fine me. Even working at a pet store cause then I will get to learn everything about how to take care of certain pets. Like what to feed certain things, how often to clean their cages and what not. It's like a whole new adventure to me! I'm going to have to move out soon though...I'm going to want to take so many things home if I work there and mom and dad wouldn't be too excited about that. OMG! I might even figure out how not to kill goldfish! Which I've never done before....It was my sisters okay...and I wanted to see him eat so I gave him lots of food...and the next day..or maybe it was that night....he was...practicing floating like we had to do in swim lessons...=/

So yea that is very exciting news! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! So i was thinking about exciting news and then thought of my math quiz....don't ask...and then I was like hmmm maybe the grade for the quiz is posted on blackboard....so I checked. GUESS WHO GOT A 19 OUT OF 20 ON HER MATH QUIZ!!!!???? THIS GIRL DID! I couldn't believe it when I looked at the score...like seriously...THERE IS HOPE AFTER ALL! My day just got like ten times better! I am sooo totally happy. I seriously thought I was done for. I'm not though!! I don't know when the last time I even scored that high on anything in math. YAY! I can't wait to tell my mommy!

Now I'm running out of things to talk about....hmmmmm. I wonder if having crazy insane dreams every night is a bad thing? Like seriously I have been getting them like every night! I must have a really good imagination cause I don't know how I even come up with some of these dreams. I can't even remember them now but I just remember waking up every morning being all like...what the heck! That was some crazy dream! Like I wish I had a tape recorder that recorded my dreams so I could show you them. You guys wouldn't know what to say.

Why is it that after you hear something for the first time, suddenly it's everywhere? Like with the Indian thing in south park. My history class literally just talked about and read that stuff that same day!! And there is shows up on South Park of all things! Or like when someone mentions a movie that you haven't heard of before and then suddenly you see it everywhere or you meet someone for the first time and you start seeing them everywhere. It is so weird how that happens! I don't get it! Someone please explain it to me!

Alright well I am determined not to continue this thing on for four hours...cause some people are starting to complain =P I should be getting to bed anyway. I have to be up at 8 for church at 9! Yay! That was actually a serious yay too, not sarcastic at all. I actually really like my church and if Rob is speaking then it makes it ten times better! The music is totally awesome too! I am excited! I have to leave it early for work though. Lame.

Hmmm, an idea just popped into my head...I kinda like it! But unfortunately I can't tell you guys right now. You shall find out tomorrow though! =D At least I think so. hehe =)

Last thing I have to say before I go. If anyone calls in "sick" tomorrow...I will not like them at all and I will refuse to be pulled from Village 2. I know...that was very threatening wasn't it? Haha...I didn't want to me mean...

Alrighty, time for Lana to go to sleeeeeeeeeppp! Tiger says good night....ohh by the way...another random though...one of my tigers is a TY tiger and they named him Tygger....like seriously? That's all they could come up with....a tiger named Tygger....how creative. Oh well...it's not MY tiger so I don't really care so much. Just thought I would mention that lol.

Good Night everybody! Hope everyone sleeps well and gets plenty of it! Maybe I will see some of you tomorrow? Okay well Nigh NIght!

Peace and blessings!

Lana =)

SHHHHHH! Don't tell!

Okay so I'm totally not suppose to be on my computer right now. I already got in trouble twice so far. One for coming home late cause my mom woke up and was all like "are you just getting home" and then i was like "yea........." and then she was like "I thought you were going to be home on time tonight" and i was like "yea......well I'm home now!" and then she walked away and like ten mins later she saw my light still on in my bedroom and was like "Go to bed!" and I was like "I am!" and then again she walked again. Yes, I know you're thinking along the lines of "Wow, you have crazy parents, why do they even care if you are up late or not?" Well my mother is a firm believer of getting the right amount of sleep each night (8 hours +) cause if I don't then my brain won't be functioning at it's best the next day and what not. Although it is very true....and I should listen to her. I have been getting a lot of sleep recently though and I will get like 6 and a half hours tonight so it's not like I'm getting 2 or 3 hours of sleep each night....=P

So SHHH! Don't tell anyone that i was up blogging okay? Thanks =)

Today was a really good day. History was super boring but after I went over to Bryan's...well after he took like a 2 hour shower which ended up being him falling asleep and not even taking a shower. Good thing I decided just to go over there otherwise I would've been waiting for foreverr. Of course we did nothing though. Grant is right though, I knew fully well that was going to be the case and yea it is boring for the most part but I rather be with friends then doing nothing at my house and at least there are moments were funny things come up that I would have never known about if I wouldn't have gone over there. So I'm glad I did. I added another tile to Bryan's ceiling too! Yay!

We went to Ryan's a bit later and sat around there for a while too. Listening to music, chatting about stuff and when Aaron came over we got to enjoy a hilarious drunk phone call from one of his friends. I was laughing so hard. Good times.....Then Ryan and Bryan decided they wanted taco bell but me Grant and Aaron were too "into" south park to go with...well I just didn't really want to to be honest, taco bell just didn't sound good at that moment. While they were gone Michelle showed up and we chilled there for a while. Well Bryan and Ryan were taking forever and we were all getting hungry and it felt weird being there without Bryan and Ryan so we decided to go to Grant's house to get food. We we did and then we sat there some more and after sitting there decided to go to Michelle's which now that I think about it, I don't know why Michelle rode with Aaron who was just going to go home. Whateverr. We chilled and ate some yummy cake and watched TV. Then it was time to come home so Grant dropped me off (me being vehicleless) Thanks again Grant!!

So over all it was a very good night. I laughed the most I have ever laughed this week. Hanging out with my friends was definitely something that I needed. It helped cheer me up a lot and now i'm in a much better mood! Yayness! Ohh what would I do without those guys.

I'm going to get one of those awesome sweaters or what do you guys call them? Wasn't it like drug rugs or something? You know what I'm talking about. Bryan found a pink one for me! Score! Then we can all be matching and look so cute together! Awwwww. I will have to get a picture of us all in them when everyone does eventually get them. Not gonna lie, totally not my style and it's something I would never have thought of getting but I'm kind of excited now! i hear they are very comfy! I shall have to go get it sometime this week!

It is very windy and cold outside. My windows are still open. Yay bed!

What the heck...I'm hearing this loud banging noise kinda like someone is either opening our slider door or pounding on it and it's kind of freaking me out cause I've never heard it before. Though it very possibly could be the wind, but it was windy last night too and I didn't hear that sound. AHHH! Omg just like parking garages scare me now. I've heard all these stories about homeless people and creepy people sneaking in to parking garages and attacking innocent people by hiding behind or under their car. Both my tuesday and thursday classes I use the parking garage. Tuesdays I park on the very top but thursday I park on the very bottom inside where it is all dim lighted and stuff. It freaks me out! I'm freaking myself out right now just thinking about it!

I have to work a double shift tomorrow but it's pretty much like one shift cause I don't leave at all. Feel free to stop by and visit me between 3 and 5! Nothing goes on during those times. Haha like you guys would come visit me anywayy. I don't blame you either. But I guess if you're looking for something to do........=)

Okay well I should really get to bed. I feel like (again) there was more that I wanted to say. Maybe I will update it on my phone when I get bored tomorrow at work if I remember stuff ( cause I can totally use my phone now to do that!!! =D )

Good Night everyone! Sweet dreams! Don't let the bed bugs bite...literally....=) GET SOME SLEEP TOO! It's good for you...so I'm told...lol.

Nigh NIght!!

Lana

It's very windy outside!

So I am sitting here...well laying here in my bed with the windows wide open listening to all the night time sounds. The wind, the crickets, my sister in her bedroom, and the occasional sounds I don't recognize but I try not to think about those. It has always been so relaxing to me listening to the sounds of nature, no matter what they are. It just brings a lot of calm and peace to my thoughts.

Today was a normal day. I woke up at like 11. I've been getting 10 to 12 hours of sleep the last few nights. Kinda crazy. I had no idea I could sleep that long but hey, I'm not complaining. I enjoy sleep very much. I got to doing some homework ( yay math! ) and then took a shower and headed to my math class. We had a quiz that I was super nervous for but I think I did pretty good. But then again, that's what I thought about the test and look how that ended up. We shall see come Tuesday. I came home from class and then did all of my history homework which took me like two and a half hours. Probably shouldn't have waited to do all that reading and watch a 50 mins video until the last min but I was able to finish everything! Then I messed around on the computer and now I am writing this blog. Yay exciting day!

Well thinking about the quiz this morning got me thinking about lots of stuff which ended up driving me insane today! I ended up thinking a lot about my future. Like if i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing. I thought for the last couple of years of high school that being a Vet was what I wanted to do. The more I thought about it and watched all of those Vet shows on animal planet, the more I realized that I really didn't want to do that but I wanted to do something with animals. Well that brought me to be a Biology major, well that didn't work out. So I started doing some research and my Mom was also doing some and that's when she came up with this Veterinary Technology program and she kept encouraging me to look into it so I did and it was something that was interesting but I wasn't that into. Well the more she pushed me to look into it, the more I thought that is what I wanted to do. But now i'm thinking, if I don't want to be a Vet, why would i want to do this? It's basically the same thing. So now I don't know what I want to do. Plus I don't even think I will be able to get into the program. It's a challenge for sure and if I don't get in...then what? I just don't know. I still have a couple of years to think about it at least. The gen eds I'm taking now will probably be required for about anything I would want to get into.

I had a plan. I had my life planned out. I was going to go to school, get a degree, eventually my masters. I was going to get the job of my dreams, working out in the research field studying animals and their behaviors. I was going to have the perfect guy, get married, have a wonderful family. It all seemed like it was going to be easy. No problem but now...now i'm scared. it's turning out not to be so easy. I'm afraid that I won't get through college, that everything is going to fall out of place. I mean i haven't done well with college in the past, I'm not doing so well right now, apparently I have horrible luck with guys and I'm stuck as a waitress making hardly any money. Who's to say I won't end up like that the rest of my life. I can't have that happening but I am terrified that it will. I don't know what to do. I feel like I try and try but it gets me no where.

I thought things were going to be better this year. After I got back from washington dc I was so excited to get going and try all these new things and have a great year and everything was going to be perfect. Then I got back that test and ever since then, I'm not so sure anything. I was crushed when I saw that. LIke I had just got my heart broken. I had so much hope and now barely any of it is left. I sunk down into a small depression and can't seem to pull back out. Even my parents noticed. Both of them, at separate times came up to me today and asked me if I was alright cause i've been quite lately ( seriously it's creepy how alike my parents think and now they say things exactly the same ). Of course I lied to them and told them I was fine. But I don't think I really am.

Watching a bunch of chick flicks doesn't help anything either.

I just have to keep telling myself to push through. It's all going to be good in the end. I mean i have my family and my friends to back me up and help me through....at least I hope I do. I think i just need a confidence booster it all. Like hopefully the quiz will help, and then I have a math test on thursday so if I do well on that maybe my spirits will be lifted. But i'm going to try. Try my hardest still to make it through and if I don't, then at least I will know that I did my very best and it just wasn't meant to be. I may be down right now but I'm not giving up. I have put up with way too much to just let it go now.

Everyone stumbles, everyone makes mistakes but that's why we are given second chances right? To learn from our mistakes and do better the second time. That's what I believe at least.

Sorry guys...this is kind of a deep post for me right now. Not too terribly exciting isn't it? I promise to make the next one a lot more happier. =)

Well I think my mind needs a rest, I know I do for sure. History class bright and early! Hopefully Mike is there so i don't have to suffer alone again. After class though I have the rest of the day off so hopefully I can hang with someone or some people or do something fun! Well I hope everyone sleeps well! I know some people are going to be going to bed super late tonight cause of halo =P. Oh and if anyone decides to take a late night walk again...remember to unlock the door before you leave =P at least its not that cold tonight =)

Nigh Night everyone

Lana

Yawnn

So I totally just fell asleep watching some stuff on youtube. I guess i was more tired then I thought I was. So yea I'm just going to go to bed now and not really have a post. I don't have anything going on till 4:30 tomorrow so I will try to get an actual post up something in the morning. Sorry guys! Have a good night/day!

Lana

TUNDER!

OUCH! I'm like in a lot of pain right now so I don't know how long this blog is going to be. You know when you were a kid and you were growing and those pains through your legs that would come every once and a while (although I have heard that it has nothing to do with growing at all??!!) Well I have that at the moment and it is like shooting pain up through both of my legs. I just took some pain meds so hopefully they will kick in soon!

Well my day was good. Very long though. I worked at the zoo from 8-4. It was like hot out! I had no idea it was going to be like in the 80s. Kinda crazy! I got stuck making all the diets today for the area that I was working in. On the plus side...if anyone ever needs lots of fruits and or veggies cut up, just give me a call! I'm totally pro at it now =D

I really wish that storms would last more than a half hour or so. Like a three or four hour storm would be awesome! I love to watch and listen to them so much but they are always over like before you know it. Then the sky clears up and it was like nothing happened at all. When I was younger, I really wanted to be a storm chaser. Wouldn't that be like fricken sweet? You would always get to see some sort of action if not be in the middle of it! Like idk that always sounded like something fun and I've always wanted to see a tornado even though I'm like deathly afraid of them. That is all thanks to the numerous times the kids at the cottage watched Twister. I'm pretty sure the first time I saw it was when I was around 8. That is wayyyy to young to be watching that movie if you ask me. No wonder I had nightmares about talking tornados chasing me and my grandma! (No seriously, I really did have that dream once =O )

My foot itches....itch, itch itch.....

Ohh I also had class today. Math...fun stuff right there! Mr. Weaver is awesome though....he told one of his jokes again today. It's short...here it goes!

What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing! It doesn't matter, it won't come when you call it!

hahahahahaha it was sooo dumb but really funny at the same time. It was even better cause he used that to relate to a question someone asked in class that apparently didn't matter. Oh Mr.Weaver, you make me laugh.

Good news! I haven't seen that one creepy kid either the past two weeks now! Hopefully I'll never see him again either.

I came home after class, took a shower, dad made me food, and of course, I watched some movies. First I watched the Day after tomorrow which is weird because the storm here was going on at the same time as the storm in the movie. Kinda creeped me out a bit......especially after those tornados destroyed L.A. Then the last half of Mean Girls was playing so of course I had to finish watching that. During that movie though is when my legs started hurting so I came up stairs after it was done.

Gah I know I had things that I was going to say but I can't think of any of them at the moment! And I know they were good ones too! Think, think, think, think, think,,.....AHH! Nope not coming to me at all. Maybe they will as I am laying in bed trying to sleep.

Speaking of sleep. I did not sleep well at all last night. Maybe it's a Monday night thing or something because it took me FOREVER! To actually fall asleep and the only reason I knew I was sleeping is because I had more crazy dream which I can't remember for the life of my right now. I know I had them though! I hit snooze like 6 times and every time I closed my eyes again it was back into dreamland where I left off! Of course taking my ADD meds at 3 pm doesn't help that fact at all and is most likely the reason why I couldn't sleep for a while. Well at least I took them bright and early today so sleep shouldn't be a problem tonight!

Fun Fact! Apparently if you wake up from a really good dream that you didn't want to wake up from and you still have time to sleep, if you don't move your body and just fall back to sleep exactly how you were when you woke up from the dream, you can so back to that same dream. Don't ask me how it works, I just read about it on Yahoo's home page lol. Oh! and you can train yourself after enough time to actually be able to manipulate your dreams yourself. Kind of like the inceptions dream within a dream. Like you know that you are dreaming and with knowing that, you can make the dream go as you want it to go. I have no idea how you would do that but apparently you can! I'm so going to try and learn that! Dreams are interesting things for sure.

Well as far as thoughts go. The only thoughts I've had today were just about school and if Veterinary Technology is really what I want to go into...or if it is what my parents hope I would go into. I'll expand more on that later.

Okay well my leg has stopped hurting so that's a good sign! One less thing to keep me up while I try and sleep. If I think of those things and can't get to sleep, I will probably add them to the blog but for now, Night!

Lana =)

Not much to say today

Today was a lazy day for me. I got up at like 11:30 and realized that I had just slept for 12 1/2 hours. I must have really needed the sleep. Then I pretty much sat downstairs and watched some movies on TV until I had to get up and get ready for work at like 3:15. So at 4:00 I went to work. Things were normal there. I got a $1 tip! Yay...not really...and it was from the maintenance guys, not even the residents that I served! What's up with that? Well I came home, took a shower and then did some homework. That was pretty much my day. No fun or exciting stories. Nothing. That's kinda sad. But now it's time to blog. Hopefully it won't take me that long cause I need to get to bed. Zoo bright and early at 8 tomorrow!

Well I was right, I did have crazy dreams last night. Now bare with me here. I can't exactly remember lots of details, just some parts. So one of my dreams, I was playing water polo. I was in college though and decided for some reason I missed polo and so well the Jenison High School team was doing their warm ups for the game. I hopped in and joined them for warm ups. I didn't plat the game with them though. I got out and someone asked me what I was doing and I just said I wanted to play a little polo again so I warmed up for the team. Well I guess I wandered over to another pool and watched some of the college girls play and I was like okay there is no way I'm going to ever play with them, they are way too good. I can't remember much else that happened with that dream though.

Another dream I had, I was with Michelle and we were like going to see Bryan up at camp or something like that. I was all like dark out and I really can't remember much that happened with that one. I was a weird one though. I feel like all three of us were riding in the back of a truck in some huge empty field....idk.That's about all I can remember of my dreams. I'm sure I would have remember more of them if I had blogged this right when I woke up.

I came up with some really sweet tattoo ideas while I was bored at work today. I really kinda want to get one. But i want to make sure that it is a meaningful tattoo and not one just cause I want one. I shall have to show you guys some of them sometime.

So the past couple of hours I have written some notes to all of my really close friends. Writing really helps me get everything that is going through my mind, organized and onto paper. That way I can sort all of my feelings out and say the things I want to say. Even if I never end up giving these notes to the people I wrote them too, it is almost like I already told them. I've just been thinking a lot about my friends lately and what each one of them means to me. The letters are my way telling them what I think about them and how I feel about their friendship. It's also so much easier for me to tell someone these things if I have it written down, that why I can get everything I want to say out in one shot and I won't forget anything I want to say either which I tend to do when I'm having a conversation with someone. Yea it took me a long time to write them though. My hand hurts soo bad. I think my longest letter is like 7 pages. Not front to back though. Just front. Kinda crazy though.

I know I've said this numerous times in my posts but I really am thankful for all of my friends and I would be no where with out them right now. I don't think I could ever express that enough. You guys are the best, truly. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This week looks like it's going to be an easy one. Not a lot of things going to except for classes and the zoo. So that's a pretty good thing I suppose.

Oh so like good news. I've lost 5 pounds since last Sunday. So pretty happy about that right there. I need to start going to the Y more now to lose that weight faster.

So yea I guess I really don't have that much to say tonight. I've been kinda feeling more down these last couple of days. I'm not sure why though. I think it is because I've been having a lot of worry go through my mind. Worry about school, future careers, relationships, ect. I think it all mainly started after I got that test back and found I didn't do as well as I had hoped for. I just gotta keep going though and working as hard as I can. Things will get better. I know they will.

I have a headache right now and I'm super tired for whatever reason. Maybe I am getting sick. I sure hope not though. I'm off to bed. Night everyone! Have a good day tomorrow.

Lana

*insert title here*

Church, work, movies. That pretty much sums up my day right there. I suppose I could go into a little more detail there just to make this post a little longer. So here we go!

My mom woke me up this morning in the middle of a fricken crazy dream. Like I was in some research place and they were testing different animals and different stuff with them. Like mating and whatnot. The one species of bird mates with their mouths. Like the male I could you could say regurgitates his sperm up and passes it down the females throat............okay that sounds soo messed but that's what happened in in! There was also like a tons of frogs and this crocodile just laying around. It was sooo strange. I can't go into much more detail than that. I remember dreaming some different stuff but I can't put it all together enough to tell you what actually happened! Wait! I remember something about me having to drive around to different stores and gas stations looking for something...I think it was a drink of some sort....grr I can't remember. I was like running late or all the stores were closing too and I started off in the mall for some reason. idk my dreams tend to be insane and all over the place. That's what you get for having an overactive brain I suppose! =)

But yea...I was very upset and the first time my mom woke me up she told me she had made eggs for me for breakfast...well I kinda fell back asleep after she told me that so when she came back to ask me if I needed to take a shower, she didn't realize it but she had also woken me up a second time and I couldn't remember if she had really made me eggs or if that was just part of my dream also...so naturally I got up and sure enough! There were eggs on the stove for me! So I ate them and got ready for church.

Well on the way to church is when I started to not feel good. My stomach was very upset and I had no idea why. Oh! and something totally awesome! These three sisters were visiting our church from Texas and one of their husbands had recently passed. Well I guess he had made a bucket list but never got to complete it so his wife and her (or his) sisters are doing it for him! One of the things on his list was to visit my church apparently! I thought that was pretty awesome. Props to Rob for announcing that. Church was good. You guys have to listen to some of Rob's sermons. He is hilarious. He was reading the first chapter of Ezekiel and it was all of this crazy messed up stuff ( read it and you'll see what I mean ) and after he read it out loud he was like "And this, kids, is why you don't do drugs" I guess it was one of those you had to be there things but soooooooo funny! I had to leave early for work though.

So I left church, stepping on a few people's feet on the way...I felt kinda bad about that but they seriously don't give you enough space between the chairs to get out so it's not all my fault....I think I whacked a guy on the head too with my purse....Oops =/ My dad asked me to record the lions game and naturally I forgot to do that before I left so I ran home and quick did that. I still wasn't feeling well either. Then I rushed to worked and changed and ended up only being the second person there which was awesome cause that meant I was second to pick sections.

Work was really slow. Nothing weird happened and I didn't get an cranky people today either! Woot! We got out of there early too. Dad was home from colorado by the time I got home from work. Crazy to think that he left yesterday for Denver and is already back today.

So then I saw the new Vlog and laughed a lot at it. Even though it wasn't as good as the first....sorry guys =/....it was still good and just knowing them made me laugh. Especially the part explaining getting locked out of the house. Sooo sad lol.
After I had a good laugh at that, I was debating on if I wanted to go workout or not but I still wasn't feeling well...better than the morning but not well enough to work out so I took a shower! Then sat around for about an hour trying to think of something to do. I think it was like ignore Alana day or something cause I feel like everyone I texted either took forever to respond or didn't respond at all so that kinda sucked...maybe they are all just annoyed with me or something...who knows. Ohh goodness...I hope I'm not being annoying. I feel like people would tell me though if I really was...at least I hope they would! Cause I would feel like totally bad if that were the case =/.

Then I decided to go downstairs and watching some TV and ended up watching Dear John and The Princess and the Frog. Two pretty good movies I would say. Dad came down though at the end of Dear John and kept talking and what not and after the movie was all like "Look up this and that" and I just wanted to be like Go AWAY! I enjoy my basement time to myself thank you very much. But I'm a nice person and we ended up watching the Princess and the Frog. He left to make food at the end though and comes back down and starts asking me all these questions about the movie. Okay you should have stayed and watched it if you really wanted to know what happened that bad! Not my fault you left! Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad, like a lot but sometimes he just gets on my nerves....I guess it has to do with what happened a few years ago....I just get defensive automatically around him now...I got so used to having to get that way so now I just do it out of habit...idk.

My therapist thinks that what happened could have been a long term cause of some of the things I'm dealing with today. I never really thought of it but it was one of those major events in my life that I'm and never going to forget and I probably was scarred by it so it would only make sense. Sometimes I wish it didn't change though...life seemed much better with me and my parents. They didn't pay that much attention to me then...kinda sad when you think about it but it was actually kinda nice. Idk I think my deeper thoughts have come back now. Oh and if you don't know what I'm talking about, just ask me. I just don't want to put it on my blog. But I am very open talking about it so feel free =)

"Do you, do you wanna lose it all? Cause this is more than just a dance hall drug, you can't wait to fall in love"

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Sooo many thoughts going through my head. Soo many feelings and emotions...of course. That part of my brain is over active lol. By there are a lot of things, feelings, that I have never had before and I'm not sure exactly how to handle them. I've never been in a situation like this before...well not exactly like this. It's strange to me. I used to think that I knew everything about certain stuff. People came to me all the time asking for advice and I've had so much shit happen to me before I thought I knew how to handle everything. For once however, I don't. It's a strange feeling to me. I mean like how do you show people what they really mean to you? How do you talk to them without being annoying? How do you tell people how awesome they really are? Like I have no idea and I don't want to completely mess things up. Knowing me though, I'm probably way over reacting/ over thinking everything too much. Relax, go with the flow, be yourself. A lot easier said then done but it is true. That is really what you need to do I suppose. Such is life! =)

I have a feeling it's going to be another long week without seeing any of my friends. Everyone seems to be so busy now, myself included! It is so hard going that long without seeing them though! Anddd I have to work all weekend too so probably won't see them then either, then it's going to be another long week so more like two weeks I won't see anyone! Not ever the people close to home! I have the next weekend off though soooo PARTAYY! I'm going to miss everyone a lot though....It always makes my day when I'm with one of my friends for suree! Hmm...maybee I will be able to sneak Bryan away from Halo for a bit...we shall see. =) Love you guys!!!! =)

My itunes is on shuffle right now. I really love (okay not really love but they are pretty fricken awesome!) whoever created shuffle mode. It's times like these when my mind is all over the place and I really don't have a mood for anything, when shuffle mode comes in handy. A lot of stuff pops up that I haven't heard in FOREVER! It's crazyyyyyy. I like it a lot. A lot of my new stuff is popping up too which gives me a chance to listen to them! Ohh music, what would I do without you. You always can cheer me up whenever I need it and you always play the perfect songs that fit my mood. You never fail me. HEY! Maybe I should just date my itunes! =) Hahahahaha Just Kidding!!! Sorry itunes, I love you but I just need something...rather someone...a little more....let's say....Living!

Omg so Charlie has been following me around allllllll day. Where ever I sit down...BOOM!...he is on my lap. I go downstairs and he jumps up on the couch and I'm sitting with my knees up so he sits down facing me and starts pawing at my legs. So finally i unfold my legs and put them straight out and in an instance. He is doing circles on my lap and then finally decides to lay down. He stayed there the wholeeeee fricken time too! Well until my mom had to let him out so she goes to let him out and then all the sudden I hear him running down the stairs, jumps up on the couch and back onto my lap. Such a silly dog. At least I don't need a blanket! He's nice and warm =). And I loves him lots and he is so cute!! So I let him get away with it although sometimes it's really annoying like when you want to move or sit a different way and he is like passed out and difficult to move...plus i feel bad waking him up lol. Gotta love Charles =) Oh yea, the funny thing though is that when I come upstairs to my bedroom, he goes into my parents room and not mine. Strange right? I'm guessing it's cause he has a lot more room to sprawl out on my parents by than on mine...he's such a bed hog! Like seriously, who knew such a little dog could take up so much space. Oh and okay you perverted minds, don't you darn say anything about this lol, but when you are laying in bed and your legs are spread apart, he has to lay right between them, not next to you, no, between the legs. He is so weird, but I love him! Haha oh and I told you it sounded wrong =P

Oh! I forgot to mention that again I'm not doing the tips and goals. I promise tomorrow that I will do them. The folder still isn't back in my room and again I really don't feel like going to find it. It is way too scary downstairs at night. With like no lights on but windows every where so there are like dark shadows and they always look like they move! Plus the freaky noises my house makes on top of that. I'm pretty sure I can go from the basement to my room in under 5 seconds at night after my parents have gone to bed and they turned all the lights on. I don't like the dark. Well I guess it's more like I don't like not being able to see everything. I get shivers just thinking about it!

Well I should probably be getting to bed soon. I am like super tired and still not feeling the greatest. Like mommy always says, "get lots of rest and drink lots of water and you'll feel 10 times better the next day!" But then again, she is also the one to say "suck it up, you're fine" when you complain of something not feeling right. Gotta love Moms! Plus I haven't been getting as much sleep as I'm used to this past week...although I suppose it is a lot more than some people I know that have been obessed with a certain game this past week/weekend *cough* Bryan, Ryan and Grant.......=) Get some sleep! I mean it! Or I will come over to where ever you guys are and tie you down to the bed and force you to sleep!! I'm dead serious too......

"All the right friends in all the right places" Wow haven't heard this song in a while! Goodness.

OMG! You know what song I've had stuck in my head the whole day thanks to the girls at work?

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are


Yeaaa Just the way you are by Bruno Mars. Alllll fricken day! Though I do like this song so I guess I really didn't mind it at all! Lol. I hope you all have it stuck in your head now too =)

Okay for real this time...I'm going to bed! I think so at least...probably. Oh goodness it's only 10:30....I've been going to bed at like 1 or 2 the past few nights. It's sooooo early! But at least I will get enough sleep. Oh and if I have anymore crazy dreams tonight (which I probably will cause that usually happens when I think a lot right before I go to sleep) I shall tell you all about them in the morning

"I just want back in your head"

Too many good songs keep playing before I can finish this! Goodness! Haha okay. Seriously...I'm going now. Good Night everyone!! Try and get a decent amount of sleep, or just lie to me and tell me you did when I ask you guys in the morning =) Hope everyone has a great day of classes tomorrow and doesn't get loaded with too much homework! Nigh Night!

P.S. feel free to enter your own title..I had no idea what to put for today lol

=D
Lana

Rawr!!!! Imma Tiger =)

Rawrrrrr!!!!! Imma Tiger =)

Today was a pretty good dayyy. I got a mani pedi and it wass soo nice. My nails are going to be ruined after work tomorrow =( super sadface. The wedding went well. It was nice to see Jeff's family again. I also fit in time to see some of my favorite people after I got home from the wedding! So that was really nicee.

This is going to be an even shorter blog than last nights. I have like less to say cause not much has happened since yesterday. Not even any new thoughts really. I'm also very tired. This past week I have not been getting the amount of sleep I usually do. It's getting better though!

*Poke* Bryan
*Poke* Grant

sorry had to take a facebook break and it looked like I needed to poke some people so I did! =D

I'm sitting in my oh so comfy bed right now with my tiger sitting next to me of course. I seriously love my bed. LIke it is sooooooooo comfortable and warm. It never fails me. I would so live in my bed if I could. Okay well probably not live in it...that would be a bit strange but it is awful tempting.

I still have neon trees stuck in my head.

Tomorrow is Sunday. I have church at 9am and then work at 10:30....woot! at least Sunday's are short for work. And they are easy and if it's anything like the last two Sunday's, we are going to be like dead. I sure hope that's the case *crosses fingers*'

WHOA! headache....soooooo not cool =(

Yea.....I don't really have too much more to say. I'm just coming up blank tonight for the most part. Strange. I feel like I'm usually like filled with thoughts! but it's just like *cricket, cricket, cricket* in my head right now. Dumb things need to get out of there!

Haha they had hot damn at the wedding and it made me think of Bryan's party and Alicia....makes me giggle. Just fun times....stupid...but fun. I'm glad I'm not "allowed" to drink anymore. The doctor says its a no no. Plus I really don't want to anymore anywayy. It's just not very smart and I ruins your brain and your body which won't help you later in life. So no more drinking for lana! Now I just get to watch people get drunk and do dumb things! Which could even be better!

Okay well on that note! I'm going to bed so I can dream pleasant dreams about tigers and other stuff =) Hope everyone has a good night/day....depending on when you are reading this.

Lana

"Uh oh I want some moree, Uh oh what are you waiting forrrrr?"

Hello everyone! Alright so I am super tired and I want to get to bed sooner than later so I'm sorry to say that today I will also not be doing my tips and goals. Sorry to all of you who look forward to that =P Maybe I will do another post in the morning to make up for this one cause it's going to be like super shortt.

Let's see, today was a pretty good day over all. I went to class this morning and it was sooo boring. Mike didn't show up so it made it even more boring. He was probably paying me back for not being there last Friday...haha. Class got done like an hour and a half earlier so I went home and got in this mood where I was feeling very inspired to write a song....so I did! and I got so caught up in it that I almost missed my appointment which would've cost me $50 if I did...yea really not good. Buttt I made it! So it all worked out good. Then I went back home to work on my song some more and then I went over to Bryan's and Grant and Ryan came over and for the next, I think it was like 8 hours, they played Halo:Reach and I sat and watched. Why? I have no idea and I'm so surprised I made it that long! I was really funny to watch all of them play. Ryan would get so angry and yell. Grant liked to move around as if it would help him dodge people lol and Bryan...well I was facing Grant and Ryan mostly so I really don't know about him. He talks to himself a lot though =P Well after those 8 hours and a couple of short naps, we went to taco bell! Yummy. I don't have fast food too often but I'm not sure if you can really count nachos as fast food...idk what it would be to be honest lol. We sat for a while and talked then Grant broke Ryan's chair...haha I loled to myself just now thinking about it...that was funny but don't worry! Good News! The chair still works! haha good thing too otherwise Grant would either be dead or in a lot of pain right now =P Then back to Bryan's were Aaron showed up and that's when I went home cause they all got on the x-box's to play some more Halo. Addicts. =)

Ohh and just so everyone knows, I didn't get murdered by someone in my back seat thank goodness. I was paranoid the whole way home though....thanks so much Bryan....=P jerk. That's like another one of my fears. Someone popping up in my back seat with a knife or something. Okay my top fears are these in order from worst to not so bad. 1. The dark 2. Being kidnapped/murdered ect. 3. Knives 4.Spiders 5. Things popping out at me 6. Clowns/dolls. I think those are like my top. Ughh I shivers just thinking about them. Yea the knives one is strange, I know, but if someone was so pick up a knife and walk towards me I freak no matter if I know they aren't going to hurt me. Idk why but it just freaks me out.

Just to clear things up too. Grant did not scare me when I was getting out of the van. I was just ummmm....acting. Yea practicing for a audition....cause I for sure don't scare easily at all.....It worked too. Everyone believed I got freaked out. But i didn't...nope! Not at all........=)

I'm feeling very good today so nothing to report there either! I'm just as happy as a clam! Who ever came up with that saying anyway? Like is a clam really that happy? And how do you know that they are? Like why wouldn't you say I'm just as happy as a puppy. Cause you can always tell when puppies are happy. And they are cute! So that's like a huge bonus right there! Plus everyone loves puppies so you can't go wrong there. But clams? Like they are ugly and grey and just sit around. That's so boring. Hmm I guess some people are weird that way. Coming up with crazy sayings.

So I've had "Animals" by Neon Trees stuck in my head the whole night so I figured I would post some of the lyrics just to make my blog look bigger than it really is =P

Here we go again
I kinda wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied.

Here we go again
We're sick like animals
We play pretend
You're just a cannibal

And I'm afraid I wont get out alive
No I won't sleep tonight

CHORUS:
Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight


Such a good song. I like it a lot. I like music in general and now I have a bunch of songs that I can listen to!

Alright well that was really all that I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm like soooo tired. But I get to sleep in! Woot! I'm so exciteddd!! I hope everyone has a great night sleep! And doesn't stay up playing Halo too long....haha yeaa rightt....=) Sweet Dreams! Keep that smile on your face! My Spoon is too big!! Hahahaha still makes me giggle =)

NIght!

Lots of love,
Lana

Clint Eastwood

Well I was going to start off right away with my tips and goals buttttttt my mom had to use the folder today and I forgot to get it back from her and I'm too lazy to go get it at this moment in time. SOOO, it's not going to happen tonight. Yea yea I know you guys are probably like "Yay! No super long post of Alana rambling on about healthy shit!" but don't worry, I'll have the folder back tomorrow =D

I can say however that my goal for today did not end up working out. I had no time whatsoever to go to the music store or even play the piano today. My parents don't like me playing after they get home from work and they are trying to do stuff and obviously I can't now cause they are in bed. I'm really wanting a keyboard now that I can put in my basement and play it whenever I want. Plus a keyboard would be in tune....unlike my piano which makes me cringe every time I play a chord. It's not pretty at all...super sadface =(((((((((( Maybe tomorrow I will go get music. Anyone want to join? Let me knowwwwwwww =D

It was definitely a music day for me today. I went on my sister's itunes and went through all of her music...she has very good taste by the way...and picked out some stuff that I really liked. Most of it was bands I never heard of before like: The Almost, The Bravery, Framing Hanley, The Hush Sound, Neon Trees, Mika, The Raconteurs, Saves the Day, Rogue Wave, Matchbox Romance, The White Stripes, Secret and a Whisper, and Tegan and Sara which Grant introduced me to today also! You guys should really check out most of these bands if you haven't already. I really like them all a lot from what I've heard of them already. YAY MUSIC! Plus it made my itunes music count jump up to 6173 songs now! That is a lot of music for me and I love it!!

OH! and the reason that I have Clint Eastwood as my title is because I've had it stuck in my head alllllllllll day today ever since I listened to it this morning! Which I did not mind one bit! Such a great song =)

So you know all that hope I was talking about yesterday? Yea, it's mostly gone right now...well at least the hope that the school year was going to go great. I had a math test on Tuesday and I had done all of my homework and was getting everything right and I asked my teacher questions that I had on the stuff I missed and I was feeling really great about how I was doing and confident that I was going to do super awesome on the test. I took the test and I felt I did really good. Nope. We got them back today and I got a 55% I almost broke down crying in the middle of class. I seriously did not think I did that bed. I felt so good about everything. Most of it was stuff like I forgot to switch the signs or to chance something from a negative to a positive. I was so looking forward to starting out the school year fresh with good grades and now I'm failing math. I don't know if you guys really understand how like crushing this is to me. This wasn't suppose to happen. I was suppose to do good this year! I did everything I was suppose to do! Take notes, do all my homework, ask questions and this is what I get out of all that. I'm dreading to see how the rest of the class will go now. I feel like such a failure.
And with history, that missed week is killing me cause I have no idea what I'm doing. We have too different books we have to read and our reading assignment for tomorrow was read like 30-40 pages from each book and take reading notes on them but I have no idea what to even take notes on. They jam so much stuff into those few pages. It's so overwhelming. And then we have to pick something that popped out at us and be able to explain why in class...okay like nothing *pops* out at me, at least not enough to want to discuss in class. To make it better we also have to write down questions we have and one of them can't be answered by the book. Then to top it all off, we have too quizzes on the books tomorrow in class and he doesn't give us like any help to what is going to be on it and if you're like me, I forget things after I read them by the next day. Like I will remember reading about it but I won't remember details which won't help me at all in a quiz. I'm so screwed! Imagine if I was actually taking a full class schedule. I think I would die.

Sorry for that. I just really needed a rant. I'm going to get a tutor in math so hopefully that will help...we shall see. I just have to make sure to keep my confidence up which is going to be hard at this rate. I'm just scared at this point...like terrified. I don't want a repeat of last semester....

I guess I still have lots of questions running through my mind. I'm finding that I tend to worry a lot about, well pretty much about everything. I constantly worry about what people think about me. Like are they annoyed by me talking to them? Do they think I'm stupid? Do they think my clothes are ugly? Do they think I'm weird? Do they think I'm fat? Like sometimes I wish I could read peoples mind just so I know. That could end up being a bad thing though...hmmm maybe that wouldn't be such a nice thing. And I constantly worry about life but I'm sure you guys already know that.

I'm going to invent a thought switch. It will be able to turn your thoughts off whenever you don't want to hear them. Wouldn't that be like so totally awesome! I think it would at least lol.

Soooooo run down of my day. My mom woke me up an hour before we had to be downtown and I was not ready to get up at all. I was like in a dead sleep and it felt sooooooo friggen good butttt it for sure wasn't enough sleep cause I was sooooo tired today. Like I felt like I could drop down on the ground a sleep at any second. Not fun at all lol. Then we came home and I started the whole getting music thing when my mom decided we should go out for lunch. So we ran to sunset to drop of a direct deposit form and then to this harvest health store in Hudsonville to get some vitamins for me and thennnn we went to Rainbow Grill for lunch. I had their broccoli cheese soup. Theirs is my favorite with Agnus's (sunsets cook) cheese broccoliy coming in a close second. After that I had a doctors appointment to talk about stuff in D.C. and it happened to be time to get shots so i got a couple and now my arms are sore. Boo to the max. After that we went home and I did some homework and then it was time for math class. Class was super boring but Mr. Weaver told a really good joke. I would put it on here but it's kinda long soooo if you want to know, ask me =D After class I came home, ate food, thought about working on my homework but got distracted =) hehe.....then I actually did my homework and took a shower and now I'm writing this post! I know, such an exciting day!

I'm so glad that it's fall. I seriously love wearing jeans and sweatshirts and just fall clothes in general! All the leaves on the trees are turning too so it's going to be soooo pretty soon! Ahhh I can't wait! Happyface! =D

I'm sitting here trying to think of exciting things to talk about but I have like none. My life is like super boring right now lol. This week should be a good one though! Sounds like we got lots of friend hanging time that needs to be done! And with my friends that is going to for sure not be boring. Well okay we have lots of times where we don't do anything and just sit there but the conversations can make up for that. Ohh how I love how silly they are =)

Well I'm sure once I end this I will think of more stuff to say and if that's the case I will probably be back on adding to it. Hopefully it's actually good stuff. This wasn't a very good post when I think about it. Ohhhhh wellllll it happens! =) Well I'm going to crawl in bed and finish reading my oh so fun history book! Yay! Can't you see my excitement! Haha yeaa lol. Night everyone! I hope you guys have a wonderful night and an amazing day tomorrow!

Haha oops... Mom just told me I had to go to bed since class is early tomorrow....it's only 11...that's early for some people *cough* Grant *cough* but I suppose it is getting late for normal people like me. =P

Okay so this just got brought up in a conversation and I needed to blog it! Soo ever since I was little I've written my capital Y's backwards, like slanted to the right instead of the left. Well in math today I wrote a capital Y and I still write them backwards! but it feels totally weird to me now to write them the right way. Isn't that weird? It's my Fun Fact of Alana today! =D

Lana

I'm so tiredd.

So today went well. Not much happened now that I think about it but it felt like it did. Grant kept me up wayyyy too late last night =P so now I am even more tired than I was. Sleeping on the floor of a dorm room without being prepared doesn't help very much either butttt it was better than sleeping behind the wheel of my far as I was driving home!

Let's see, run down of the day. I woke up (several times) this morning at I think is was like 10:30 before I actually "got up" and I sat there waiting for slow boys to be done in the bathroom so I could use it. Then Grant and I headed down for "breakfast" at like 11:30ish and we both got cereal. I was super excited cause they had yummy stuff that I never get at home because my parents like to buy "healthy" cereal for me. I got reeses puffs and it was sooooooooo delicious! Then Grant and Jeff had to leave for class so I went home. I was home for like 20 mins, just enough time to brush my teeth and wash my face to feel somewhat more clean before I had to leave for the zoo. The zoo was a pretty normal closing day. Nothing too exciting. Then I came home, took a much needed shower, got some food, did some chores, did some homework, and now I'm sitting here, blogging away! I'm thinking the rest of my homework is not going to happen tonight either. I'm way too tired to even comprehend what the books are saying. Hopefully it will be easier after a much need good nights worth of sleep.

So let's get these tips out of the way.

Healthy Tips and Goals:
Continuing from two blogs ago. I will give you the next two ways.

3. Cross train at work. It says to learn someone else's job or switch jobs at your job. I'm not really going to elaborate on this one just because a lot of us don't have jobs and I've already been doing that at my work by training more things. It just helps you learn new skill and better the brain function.

4. Improve your skill at things you already do. Some repetitive mental stimulation is ok as long as you look to expand your skills and knowledge base. Take the things that you like doing let's saying reading or music and push yourself to read different authors and different style books than your used to, or instead of playing the guitar, drums, piano ect. like you're used to, push yourself to learn harder music or different styles of playing. Pushing your brain to new heights keeps it healthy.
I think what I am going to do with this one is practice the piano a lot more. I'll go to the music store and get some sheet music that won't be too hard for me but will be a little tougher than what I am used to. I love playing the piano and along with pushing my brain, I'll also become better at playing. So I really like this one and yea. I guess I really don't have much to say about it.

SInce I was gone all day yesterday I didn't really have a chance to read my 15 mins at all so I am going to do that tonight.

Goal for the day:
If I have time I'm going to head to the music store and find some awesome stuff to play. If I don't then I was to at least look up some tutorials and see if I can learn a new song!

I missed yesterday so today I did 10 things I'm grateful for:
Being able to go to college
Having the passion for music
Being able to buy things I want but don't need
Road trips to see people who are far away
Food
My Birthmother
My chance to volunteer at the zoo
The ability to read and write
Having a phone
My amazing friends

Healthy diet and excersie tip of the day:
Calorie restriction
A calorie-restricted diet is helpful for the brain and life longevity. Eating less helps you live longer. It control weight, decreases risk for heart disease, cancer, and a strong from obesity, as well as it triggers certain mechanisms in the body to increase the production of nerve growth factors which are helpful to the brain.
Basically this is saying don't eat all those junk foods that are loaded with calories. Eat the healthier ones with less calories. Keep your weight in control and don't let it get out of hand. It's all about the choices. What you eat and how much you eat of certain foods will effect you later in life too. Don't forget that.

Fact of the day:
I was googling dumb and stupid laws in michigan and I came across this. This one is for Grant and Ryan =)
In Kalamazoo, it is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Sorry if you were making plans to serenade someone guys, it looks like your out of luck there. That made me laugh and they are right, it is dumb and stupid.

So there, those are my tips and facts today. I didn't really elaborate on any of them like I have before. I guess they were just ones that you couldn't say that much about. Plus i'm so tired that my brain is getting to the point of wanting to shut down so i'm having issues thinking and I have a nice head ache on top of that!

I'm really hungry right now. I suppose that's a good thing. Although earlier, like a 6:00 I was really hungry too. So I made a grilled cheese and as I was making it I ate some grapes but not like a lot. Then my grilled cheese was ready so I cut it in half and started eating it and after like 3 bites I was fully and felt like I was force feeding myself. I didn't even eat the other half. I had to save it to eat later. It's so weirddd. That's been happening to me the last couple days. I'm like hungry but nothing sounds good and when I start eating I'm full. It makes no sense at all. Speaking of me getting food...I'm going to go get an apple, I will be right back......okay I'm back and I'm really sad. I cut up my apple and I took a bite and pain! I forgot my teeth were still sore from the ortho the other day. Despite the pain with every bite. I will eat this apple and I will enjoy cause I really do love apples. Ohh and I promised Bryan today that I was going to eat at least something for every meal so I don't end up starving myself or something. That would be sorta bad....

Hmmm I'm trying to gather my thoughts and feelings right now. I've been pretty happy the whole day today which is always a good thing. I've also been thinking a lot about my future and where it's going to go now. Is it going to stay this good and keep getting better? Or maybe it will all relapse again. I'm determined not to let that happen though. I'm filled with all this hope right now which I've never had before and I think because I have this hope now, I'm more motivated to do things right this time around. I have a new level of confidence which is very encouraging but scary at the same time because what if nothing ends up working and everything falls into chaos again. I'm very scared about that. It's just been lingering at the back of my mind. It just like I don't want to get my hopes too up right now cause if I do I might be really disappointed.

Me and my parents were looking my at my childhood while we were at D.C. and they told me that when I was little, if I was told that we were going to the zoo, then the store, and then to get ice cream but for some reason we had to make an extra stop or the order was switch around, I would be so upset cause it was suppose to happen the way I was told, the way it was in my head. I think I still struggle with that now. I will have my days and even my life planned out and I will get it in my mind that this is how it is suppose to go and if it doesn't go that way, I get upset, though I don't show it visually anymore. I just go into this mood I will push myself down and be angry at myself for not making the plan happen. Like last year, I had my college years all planned out and I was going to get good grades and meet lots of people and work hard and when things weren't going according to that plan, I would beat myself up about it.

Those were the times were I lost my hope and confidence about life and they happened so often it's only natural for me to fear it happening again. I don't want to mess up again, I don't want to hurt myself and more people like I have. But with all this hope and confidence now, should I even worry about that stuff? I have no idea. I think that now I am more determined than ever that I'm going to make things right and things work that I need not fear anything. I mean this is the best that I've felt in a long time. I've gotten more answers than I thought I ever would get and school is going really good so far even with me missing a week. My relationships with my friends are all going really well right now, no drama or anything and I feel like all of this is going to stay this way for a long time. Of course, it is just a feeling but I'm going to say that if I have this much confidence and motivation things will only get better.

And yet, even after all those almost depressing thoughts, I'm still as happy as can be and as cheerful about the future as ever. NOTHING WILL BRING ME DOWN!

Goodness I need to stop rambling so much. One thought like turns into a million thoughts and I just keep going and going and going and going. Random thought...."My spoon is too big"......HAHAHA that was like the dumbest thing i've ever seen but yet it was hilarious! Oh oh and funny story, I walk into Grant and Ryan's room and we say hi and starting chatting about stuff and Grant goes "Omg, go flush the toilet" and I thinking what the heck and said no thanks and he was like "No, seriously it makes the loudest whooshing sound ever!" i don't remember what i said but he then said something about "fine if you won't do it then I'll do it" so he walks into the bathroom and then WHOOSH! there goes the toilet and I just had to laugh, one because Grant was so excited for me to hear the whoosh and two, because it was a pretty fricken loud whoosh! He wasn't lying!

Oh and another funny story! My sister's friend Leah is a photographer and lately she has been really busy editing and whatever so she doesn't get to bed till the wee hours of the morning. Well she's a little ADD, like me, and when it's that late and you're that tired, you start thinking weird things. So Leah, who is in love with her dog, started thinking about the Rapture and she was freaking out that if the rapture came, what would happen to her dog, who would look out for it. So she goes on google and actually found a atheist who could care for her dog if the rapture ever came in her lifetime. So that made me laugh a lot. Like seriously? How do you find things like that? Only leah....

Ummmm yeaaa I probably should be done now....I feel like I had more to say but I can't remember now. Gah I hate it when that happens, which is way too often. Omg so sadface. One of the baby flamingos has a spinal birth defect and it can't lift its head up so it just hangs upside down. The poor thing! I went to see it and it was just running into the walls of the tub and crying the whole time. I felt so bad for it! I guess they are going to try and splint the neck so see if it will health properly which I hope it does. It was so sad. Sorry I just had to share that.

I'm trying to think of funny things to say right now so I don't sound lame and boring like the rest of the post is but I'm having lots of trouble. I guess I'm just not one of those people that say funny things. Now that I think about it, most of my funny moments are when I have blonde moments lol. That's really kinda sad. OMG I can't be turning blonde....that seriously would be the end of the world for me. None of my clothes would match my hair anymore! Not that I pick out clothes to match my hair...that would be dumb...sooo...yea. ANYWAY moving on. Haha I feel like I'm having one of those fun conversations that you don't know what to say so you just say random things and then after you say them and the other person comments on them it just goes silent and you have to sit there for another 5 mins just to think of a conversation. I love those convos. They make me laugh. Giggle giggle.

*sigh* now I'm just reminiscing about the funny times I've had with my friends. Good times...goooooooood timessss. Aww now I miss them! Super sadface! I for sure can't wait to see them again! Partayyy on fridayyy! Maybe...omg...both my parents might be done for like two days this weekend...and katie is leaving tomorrow for the whole weekend....hmmmm. Rockband party at my house for sure! With Mac and cheese!! Omg yes that sounds amazing!

Okay, I for real need to end this thing although I might add to it later. We shall see. I just don't think it's long enough....=P Well off to watch the episode of GH I just missed! I know..don't judge =) Alrighty well good night to you all! Hope you have a great one. I hear my bed calling my name and it sounds sooooooo amazing. I promised it I would be there soon and I can't break my promises! =D Night!

Lots of love!

Lana =)

wow...a short blog.

sooo yea. i havent been at home since 8 this morning and im at western right now having a sleep over with ryan and grant....well mostly grant....ryan is out.
the zoo went good! i worked the same area as always but instead of closing, i opened! it was different but i kinda liked it! im still at the zoo on wednesdays too! i love it tons!
ummm class went well, i took the test even though i was gone all last week. i have a good feeling about it but that usually turns out to be bad. we shall see come thrusday!
right after class i headed down to western! i got to see meganwho ive missed a lot! poor girl was exhausted though...she def has a work load! props to her, i could never do it!
played some rockband also. it was funn i miss it! then took a walk around campus with grant cause it was a nice night and there wasnt anything better to do. there was so many people around. i mean seriously...who takes late night walks around campus...pshhh.
soooooo yeaaaa it was an interesting night to say the least. i feel much better than last night for sure! finally figured some things out and put my mind at ease.
typing a blog on a phone is not fun by the way. but i had to update and this was my only option. sighh im over it. sorry it looks like crap though. i dont feel like using big letter and stuff. takes too much time and im reallllllllyyyyy lazy at the moment.
so yea...since i have none of my stuff with me, im sorry to inform my fellow readers that there will be no tips or goals today. so i challenge you to make your own for the day! dont worry though, i will get it all covered tomorrow.
soo yeaaa. im actually really tired and could crash any moment. i better get my comfy floor ready cause i will be sleeping on it shortly i think. maybe...depends on how late grant keeps me up =P
well good night everyone. i hope you all have sweet dreams and a great day tomorrow!
love
lana

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A sleepless night.

So it is 1:30 am and i'm am laying awake in bed not being able to sleep and I have to get up in 5 hours. Not cool. No matter how many times I tell my brain to shut up, it won't listen! It's driving me crazyyyyy! It all started when I was thinking about the things that i missed. Like having someone to that I can go to to talk about EVERYTHING. Those people who you tell every little detail about everything to. That you can talk to hours on end and still not run out of things to talk about. I miss that. I also miss falling asleep to texts....i never could last very long. I miss having long conversations on the phone and playing the question game. I do miss my sorority sisters too. They were pretty awesome. I miss all the rockband parties we used to have. As you can see there are so many things. But that was just the start.

What's going through my mind you may ask? Well lots of things. I've been thinking how great things are going. How I can feel myself already starting to improve and i feel like i'm going down the right track. I have good feelings about this school year and I"m really happy about it. I finally feel like things are going uphill for me for once. it's an amazing feeling. One that I haven't experienced in a long time. I'm so grateful for everyone who has gotten me to this point also....goodness this is making me tear up....my parents who always supported me with every choice I made, my friends who put up with my moods, my craziness, the times I may have hurt you, and have never left my side through everything, and the doctors who actually gave me hope. I can't say enough times how truly grateful I am to have all of you. I don't know where I would be right now.

I've made so many mistakes in my past that I wish so bad to take back. I've hurt so many people it hurts me. I can't express how sorry I am about all of it. These last 3 years have been tough for me. Lot's of times I was scared and confused. I had no idea what I wanted and there were always so many things going on I could never really think clear. My stress levels were high, I did and said things I never really meant to do or say. I let go of things that I realized I shouldn't have after it was too late. It was all a mess and I don't feel resolved about a lot of things that happened.

That's what has been bothering me tonight. Amongst this happiness, this great feeling of improvement, there is something missing. I'm not sure what that something is though. i have so many unanswered questions about so many things and I feel like if i go on a quest to find those answers, maybe I will find that missing piece. Where to start? I have no idea.

Lot's of other things went through my mind also but I don't feel like I can share those at the moment. Some things are even too personal to blog about.

Well I suppose that is most of it. Unfortunately I didn't not acquire the talent to fall asleep while typing as I was typing this. Which means I have to try sleeping the old fashioned way again. Hopefully it will go better this time.

night
lana

Update for todayyy

First of all I would like to say that I am very scared right now. Ryan is a nazi and Grant is a terrorist and they live together. Which means that they are probably plotting to take over the world...that's a very scary idea when you think about it.

I was right. Nothing else happened today worth mentioning. I went to work. I came home from work. OHHHHHH! I did forget to mention however that I get to start another day at the zoo tomorrow. The only downside is that I have to be there by 8 but I am sooooo excited! YAY! I feel like I wanted to say something else...but I can't remember............................nope still can't remember. Ohhhhhhh wellllll.

So now to get to the part of why I'm actually giving an update in the first place. I need to share my results of how my goal went today. It actually was a lot harder than I thought it was. To be honest I forgot a lot to even pay attention to what I was thinking so I'm sure that I missed a lot of negative thoughts. It was really hard to convince myself to change the negative into a positive because I was so set on that negative being true. I also realized that I put myself down a lot. Like a lot more than I would have thought I did. There was a lot of "I'm fat," "I'm ugly," "I'm not funny like they are." but I did my best to turn those thoughts around and make them positive. I also had many thoughts that really but me down emotionally like "I don't deserve to have them as friends," "It's all my fault that this happened," "I wish I was like them," "I don't deserve a second chance," "I'll never find someone again," "Why can't I be a better person." Those were the hardest to turn around. Most of them I have been thinking everyday for a while and they are so implanted into my brain that they are true, I feel like I'm lying to myself when I make them more positive. I'm not though and people have told me that in the past. It's such a common thing to do to yourself you don't even realize it. This is definitely one excersie that I'm going to try and keep up on.

So many thoughts are rushing through my head now. I realize how easy it is for me to hear or read a comment by someone and think that it is always directed towards me, although it very well may be but I don't know that for sure so I can't jump to conclusions like that. Or how I always imagine the worst possible outcome in a situation...if I say this they will hate me forever or think I'm stupid. Again, I don't know that. I just have to let things go from now on instead of sitting there dwelling on everything. It's going to be a huge challenge for me to do so but over time I think I could do it. I'm also sitting here thinking of how different I would have handled things before if I had known all of these things. Who really knows though? I am grateful though for being able to get a second chance. A second chance with the new school year, to do my best, to work hard. A second chance with my goals and getting my dream career. A second chance just in general. I still do believe everything happens for a reason. It's all in God's plan. Apparently for me it was messing up my first year of college and then giving me another chance at it with a whole new point of view. If i hadn't have messed up I would have never learned the things I know now from D.C. It's crazy how things work.

Now i'm just rambling on from thought to thought and it has really nothing to do with my goal for the day at all. Well in a way it ties together....somehow. I don't know but I should probably stop rambling. I hope what I said gets everyone else thinking too and also I hope you guys will try this excersie now too. I think it will be beneficial for everyone.

On that note, I should get to bed! Zoo bright and early tomorrow morning! Can't wait! I hope everyone one has a great rest of the night and an amazing day tomorrow! Remember, Smile, be happy, and laugh! =D You guys are awesome!

Nigh Night!

Lana