First of all I would like to say that I am very scared right now. Ryan is a nazi and Grant is a terrorist and they live together. Which means that they are probably plotting to take over the world...that's a very scary idea when you think about it.
I was right. Nothing else happened today worth mentioning. I went to work. I came home from work. OHHHHHH! I did forget to mention however that I get to start another day at the zoo tomorrow. The only downside is that I have to be there by 8 but I am sooooo excited! YAY! I feel like I wanted to say something else...but I can't remember............................nope still can't remember. Ohhhhhhh wellllll.
So now to get to the part of why I'm actually giving an update in the first place. I need to share my results of how my goal went today. It actually was a lot harder than I thought it was. To be honest I forgot a lot to even pay attention to what I was thinking so I'm sure that I missed a lot of negative thoughts. It was really hard to convince myself to change the negative into a positive because I was so set on that negative being true. I also realized that I put myself down a lot. Like a lot more than I would have thought I did. There was a lot of "I'm fat," "I'm ugly," "I'm not funny like they are." but I did my best to turn those thoughts around and make them positive. I also had many thoughts that really but me down emotionally like "I don't deserve to have them as friends," "It's all my fault that this happened," "I wish I was like them," "I don't deserve a second chance," "I'll never find someone again," "Why can't I be a better person." Those were the hardest to turn around. Most of them I have been thinking everyday for a while and they are so implanted into my brain that they are true, I feel like I'm lying to myself when I make them more positive. I'm not though and people have told me that in the past. It's such a common thing to do to yourself you don't even realize it. This is definitely one excersie that I'm going to try and keep up on.
So many thoughts are rushing through my head now. I realize how easy it is for me to hear or read a comment by someone and think that it is always directed towards me, although it very well may be but I don't know that for sure so I can't jump to conclusions like that. Or how I always imagine the worst possible outcome in a situation...if I say this they will hate me forever or think I'm stupid. Again, I don't know that. I just have to let things go from now on instead of sitting there dwelling on everything. It's going to be a huge challenge for me to do so but over time I think I could do it. I'm also sitting here thinking of how different I would have handled things before if I had known all of these things. Who really knows though? I am grateful though for being able to get a second chance. A second chance with the new school year, to do my best, to work hard. A second chance with my goals and getting my dream career. A second chance just in general. I still do believe everything happens for a reason. It's all in God's plan. Apparently for me it was messing up my first year of college and then giving me another chance at it with a whole new point of view. If i hadn't have messed up I would have never learned the things I know now from D.C. It's crazy how things work.
Now i'm just rambling on from thought to thought and it has really nothing to do with my goal for the day at all. Well in a way it ties together....somehow. I don't know but I should probably stop rambling. I hope what I said gets everyone else thinking too and also I hope you guys will try this excersie now too. I think it will be beneficial for everyone.
On that note, I should get to bed! Zoo bright and early tomorrow morning! Can't wait! I hope everyone one has a great rest of the night and an amazing day tomorrow! Remember, Smile, be happy, and laugh! =D You guys are awesome!
Nigh Night!
Lana
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