I've been extremely tired.
Tonight I tried to watcho two movies...i sleep asleep for both of them....
I decided that i probably should just go to bed.
so now i am in bed.
night
lana
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
...
UGHHHH!!!!! Everything is just so BLAH
and I'm just like UGHHH
and I just want to GRRRRR
and and and SLKBJOIRNGOIANKNV"PIOJTPJ#:OIJ"GJ"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in a horrible mood. It was a badish weekend. This week is going to suck major. THis semester needs to be over NOW! I am going crazy. I HATE everything right now. Can you tell i'm super pissed right now?
Mom and Dad keep asking me whats wrong cause all i've been doing is sitting around doing absolutely nothing and snapping at everyone who talks to me. They are being soooo annoying though! Can you NOT tell that I don't want to talk to YOU!!!!!! HELLOOOOO! UGH!
I just want to burst out cry and crawl in bed and never get out.
I have no idea what to do about anything anymore.....I'm so fucking screwed.
Alright. I should go to bed cause I get to work all fucking day tomorrow...yayyy.........shoot me now.......
Lana
and I'm just like UGHHH
and I just want to GRRRRR
and and and SLKBJOIRNGOIANKNV"PIOJTPJ#:OIJ"GJ"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in a horrible mood. It was a badish weekend. This week is going to suck major. THis semester needs to be over NOW! I am going crazy. I HATE everything right now. Can you tell i'm super pissed right now?
Mom and Dad keep asking me whats wrong cause all i've been doing is sitting around doing absolutely nothing and snapping at everyone who talks to me. They are being soooo annoying though! Can you NOT tell that I don't want to talk to YOU!!!!!! HELLOOOOO! UGH!
I just want to burst out cry and crawl in bed and never get out.
I have no idea what to do about anything anymore.....I'm so fucking screwed.
Alright. I should go to bed cause I get to work all fucking day tomorrow...yayyy.........shoot me now.......
Lana
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Make the bad things go away....
I'm a screw up.
One second everything is just peachy and then next, I"m getting yelled at by two different people. Apparently I'm the cause of them getting pissed at each other. I don't even know what happened though cause one of them is ignoring me and then other one said to ask the first one...so I got no where.
Why do things seem to always get worse near the end of the semester? I really can't deal with this right now. I"m already super stressed cause i'm failing one of my classes. I'm already having enough friend issues. Work has been hell lately. I've been sick. I've had so many appointments and things needing to be done. I"m going crazy and throw this on top of all it and everything gets 10 times worse.
I really shouldn't have friends anymore. I seem to cause too much trouble and ruin everything. I'm not even trying to ruin anything. I never want any of this to happen but yet it always does and I always end up in the middle of it feeling lost, confused and hurt and especially for someone like me, who has way too many complications and a horrible past and a tendency to become highly stressed too fast causing me to do/say things that aren't good....is not a good thing.
I want to be done. Don't with everything. Done with everyone.
I so tired of hurting.
I want to be understood.
I just want to be loved.
One second everything is just peachy and then next, I"m getting yelled at by two different people. Apparently I'm the cause of them getting pissed at each other. I don't even know what happened though cause one of them is ignoring me and then other one said to ask the first one...so I got no where.
Why do things seem to always get worse near the end of the semester? I really can't deal with this right now. I"m already super stressed cause i'm failing one of my classes. I'm already having enough friend issues. Work has been hell lately. I've been sick. I've had so many appointments and things needing to be done. I"m going crazy and throw this on top of all it and everything gets 10 times worse.
I really shouldn't have friends anymore. I seem to cause too much trouble and ruin everything. I'm not even trying to ruin anything. I never want any of this to happen but yet it always does and I always end up in the middle of it feeling lost, confused and hurt and especially for someone like me, who has way too many complications and a horrible past and a tendency to become highly stressed too fast causing me to do/say things that aren't good....is not a good thing.
I want to be done. Don't with everything. Done with everyone.
I so tired of hurting.
I want to be understood.
I just want to be loved.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Phone call
So last night I had a phone call that has really been making me think of a lot of things. Mostly not good things. Like a lot of things that happened in the past. Things that I regret. Things that I was so young and naive about. Things that I also learned from and helped me grow.
I totally made a complete fool of myself. The things that I said and that I did, I can't believe really happened. I could take things and blow them into ten times a bigger deal than what they really were and in doing that I managed to fuck everything up causing myself to become even crazier. What the hell was I ever thinking?
I also realized that even if you've known someone for a while. You talk to them a lot, you hang out with them a lot, and you think you know everything there is to know about them. But you, in truth, most likely don't. What you find out can shock you. People have things going on in their lives that they don't even tell their closest friends about. A totally different side of them is shown and suddenly you have a much greater respect for this person.
I jump to conclusions about some things way too easily. I thought I knew someone inside and out. Turns out that I didn't. Now I feel totally horrible. There is nothing I can do either.
ohrgonasdkelkwsdnfaek...... That is my mind right now. I can't think straight worth crap. I'm freaking dizzy as crap right now too. So I shall have to finish my thoughts on this conversation later when I actually know what I'm saying. I'm sooo depressed. Blah. Night.
Lana
I totally made a complete fool of myself. The things that I said and that I did, I can't believe really happened. I could take things and blow them into ten times a bigger deal than what they really were and in doing that I managed to fuck everything up causing myself to become even crazier. What the hell was I ever thinking?
I also realized that even if you've known someone for a while. You talk to them a lot, you hang out with them a lot, and you think you know everything there is to know about them. But you, in truth, most likely don't. What you find out can shock you. People have things going on in their lives that they don't even tell their closest friends about. A totally different side of them is shown and suddenly you have a much greater respect for this person.
I jump to conclusions about some things way too easily. I thought I knew someone inside and out. Turns out that I didn't. Now I feel totally horrible. There is nothing I can do either.
ohrgonasdkelkwsdnfaek...... That is my mind right now. I can't think straight worth crap. I'm freaking dizzy as crap right now too. So I shall have to finish my thoughts on this conversation later when I actually know what I'm saying. I'm sooo depressed. Blah. Night.
Lana
Friday, November 19, 2010
IT NEVER ENDS!
My body is out to get me. After it found out that it didn't succeed with the stomach inflammation cause I can fix that now, it decided after over two years to fully bring back my plantar fasciitis. It's just one thing after another!
For those of you who don't know...plantar fasciitis is an inflammation of the fibrous tissue that stretches the length of your foot. A lot of times it can cause your heel to ache but for me, it is in my arch. What does it feel like? It feels like someone is bending your foot up from the toes causes your arch to stretch as far as it can to the point where it starts ripping along with stabbing 1000 needles into the arch. It isn't pleasant at all. Very painful and makes it impossible to walk sometimes. Different shoes make it better or worse depending on arch support or what not. Also it is very uncommon for young people...mostly affects old people.
Senior year of Band Camp, Mike Zhu decided he wanted to make us run. Oh how I was so happy about that. I am so not a runner at all. Well I pushed myself hard and even though I don't run...I managed to stay with the main group in the front the whole run each day. I don't know how but I was pretty proud of myself. Well one of the first days my foot started hurting but I just ignored it and it got worse as camp went on. When we got back from camp it was to the point where I was limping and needed to be taken to the foot doctor where he told me I had plantar fasciitis. He wrapped my foot up and sent my on my way.
Ever since then I have always had issues with my feet. I can't jump, especially off of higher things. If I do I get a searing pain through my feet. I can't point my toes otherwise my feet will cramp up major. Little stuff like that but not the full on plantar fasciitis. So why the heck would it flare up two years later? I have no fricken idea but I am so not happy about it.
"Unstoppable" Is a really good movie. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Ohh yea so the abdominal stomach pain turned out to just be an inflammation of my stomach...well that is what they think it most likely is at least. It was probably caused by some sort of a virus. My X-ray and blood tests all came up normal so that was good. The nurse said that I should just eventually get better on its own but told me to keep taking the heart burn stuff and she gave me these nausea pills to make nausea go away. Other than that I just have to push through it till it hopefully goes away. Sweet.
Well I should get to bed. Work alllllllllllllllllll freaking day tomorrow. Hopefully my foot won't be too harsh on me. We shall see! Night everyone.
Lana
For those of you who don't know...plantar fasciitis is an inflammation of the fibrous tissue that stretches the length of your foot. A lot of times it can cause your heel to ache but for me, it is in my arch. What does it feel like? It feels like someone is bending your foot up from the toes causes your arch to stretch as far as it can to the point where it starts ripping along with stabbing 1000 needles into the arch. It isn't pleasant at all. Very painful and makes it impossible to walk sometimes. Different shoes make it better or worse depending on arch support or what not. Also it is very uncommon for young people...mostly affects old people.
Senior year of Band Camp, Mike Zhu decided he wanted to make us run. Oh how I was so happy about that. I am so not a runner at all. Well I pushed myself hard and even though I don't run...I managed to stay with the main group in the front the whole run each day. I don't know how but I was pretty proud of myself. Well one of the first days my foot started hurting but I just ignored it and it got worse as camp went on. When we got back from camp it was to the point where I was limping and needed to be taken to the foot doctor where he told me I had plantar fasciitis. He wrapped my foot up and sent my on my way.
Ever since then I have always had issues with my feet. I can't jump, especially off of higher things. If I do I get a searing pain through my feet. I can't point my toes otherwise my feet will cramp up major. Little stuff like that but not the full on plantar fasciitis. So why the heck would it flare up two years later? I have no fricken idea but I am so not happy about it.
"Unstoppable" Is a really good movie. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Ohh yea so the abdominal stomach pain turned out to just be an inflammation of my stomach...well that is what they think it most likely is at least. It was probably caused by some sort of a virus. My X-ray and blood tests all came up normal so that was good. The nurse said that I should just eventually get better on its own but told me to keep taking the heart burn stuff and she gave me these nausea pills to make nausea go away. Other than that I just have to push through it till it hopefully goes away. Sweet.
Well I should get to bed. Work alllllllllllllllllll freaking day tomorrow. Hopefully my foot won't be too harsh on me. We shall see! Night everyone.
Lana
Thursday, November 18, 2010
BLECH!
There is something wrong with me.
I'm having too many stomach pains
I feel horrible all over
Going to the Doctor's tomorrow.
I just feel like crying. Nothing is going how I had hoped it would go this semester. I have a B- in math and an E in history. I was hoping to start out with a fairly decent GPA but apparently that isn't going to happen. I haven't met anyone new and lost friends that I already had. Going from everyone to hardly anyone is hard. I feel so alone. Not cared about.
I feel like I'm going back downhill again. I felt so good after getting that brain scan stuff done. I was so hopeful for the future and thought everything was going to go so much better but it hasn't so far. I still don't have an official diagnosis. It is still only guess. Random problems keep popping up all over the place and it is still going to see doctor after doctor. You need to see a nutritionist, and you need to see and allergist, oh lets through in a new psychiatrist, the doctor, my therapist, the ortho, the dentist. Test me for this or that. Try this vitamin or drug. See if this helps. You can't this with that. You need to watch this. Question after question. It is almost like I have to keep track of every single thing I think, eat, feel (both physically and emotionally) and do every minute of the day. I'm getting so overwhelmed. I'm so sick of all of this.
So very sick and tired of everything. Haven't I gone through enough? When will all of this end? I try and try and try and get no where. Absolutely no where.
There is something most definitely wrong with me.
Everyone seems to have their own idea of what it is except for me.
On the bright side...I got my braces off today. woot.
Lana
I'm having too many stomach pains
I feel horrible all over
Going to the Doctor's tomorrow.
I just feel like crying. Nothing is going how I had hoped it would go this semester. I have a B- in math and an E in history. I was hoping to start out with a fairly decent GPA but apparently that isn't going to happen. I haven't met anyone new and lost friends that I already had. Going from everyone to hardly anyone is hard. I feel so alone. Not cared about.
I feel like I'm going back downhill again. I felt so good after getting that brain scan stuff done. I was so hopeful for the future and thought everything was going to go so much better but it hasn't so far. I still don't have an official diagnosis. It is still only guess. Random problems keep popping up all over the place and it is still going to see doctor after doctor. You need to see a nutritionist, and you need to see and allergist, oh lets through in a new psychiatrist, the doctor, my therapist, the ortho, the dentist. Test me for this or that. Try this vitamin or drug. See if this helps. You can't this with that. You need to watch this. Question after question. It is almost like I have to keep track of every single thing I think, eat, feel (both physically and emotionally) and do every minute of the day. I'm getting so overwhelmed. I'm so sick of all of this.
So very sick and tired of everything. Haven't I gone through enough? When will all of this end? I try and try and try and get no where. Absolutely no where.
There is something most definitely wrong with me.
Everyone seems to have their own idea of what it is except for me.
On the bright side...I got my braces off today. woot.
Lana
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I'm missing something.
Soooooo today was a pretty good day over all. Went to church which I love so much. Like seriously Rob Bell is soooo freaking awesome! I love Mars Hill lots. Then went home and did stuff in my room...little things here and there that needed to be done but I just never got around to doing. Then I almost was able to go to an ADTR concert but it failed. So I went to Brad's instead where Grant and Michelle came over and we had a grand time playing the kinetc!
I feel like I am totally missing something though. I thought people weren't happy with me and yet I was treated nice. Not like that is a bad thing but I can't help but wonder if it was really cause they wanted to be nice or if it was to cover up what they really thought. Cause it also seemed like I was annoying them too. I'm not sure. Andd with another friend, he totally did talk to me all weekend and then tonight he finally replied back to a text I sent friday with a picture of my re-organized room but apparently he didn't get the picture and he asked me to send it again but I deleted it so I told him I could re-take it at home but then he was just like no night. Like it was so weird. Idk what is going on or what I did but I feel like something is wrong there. Who knows.
I totally lost 5 more pounds. I am happy and almost at my ideal weight...this would be fine too but I rather lose just a tiny bit more. I need to not worry so much about if people think I'm fat or not. I do though. I can't help it. Especially since i gained so much this summer. That made me feel horrible. Now i feel so much better and a little more confident in myself. That is never a bad thing.
I am totally dreading tomorrow. I have to work my two most hated shifts at work again and allll freaking day too. Soooo not happy about that. Plus I forgot I have an ortho appointment and it happens to be during one of my shifts so I have to figure that one out. Maybe I should call in sick. Or maybe I will just like pass out at work from the lack of food and fluids that I have been getting lately. Probably not a good things but at least I wouldn't have to work then...
Well i really need sleep so I am going to go!
Night
Lana Lou
I feel like I am totally missing something though. I thought people weren't happy with me and yet I was treated nice. Not like that is a bad thing but I can't help but wonder if it was really cause they wanted to be nice or if it was to cover up what they really thought. Cause it also seemed like I was annoying them too. I'm not sure. Andd with another friend, he totally did talk to me all weekend and then tonight he finally replied back to a text I sent friday with a picture of my re-organized room but apparently he didn't get the picture and he asked me to send it again but I deleted it so I told him I could re-take it at home but then he was just like no night. Like it was so weird. Idk what is going on or what I did but I feel like something is wrong there. Who knows.
I totally lost 5 more pounds. I am happy and almost at my ideal weight...this would be fine too but I rather lose just a tiny bit more. I need to not worry so much about if people think I'm fat or not. I do though. I can't help it. Especially since i gained so much this summer. That made me feel horrible. Now i feel so much better and a little more confident in myself. That is never a bad thing.
I am totally dreading tomorrow. I have to work my two most hated shifts at work again and allll freaking day too. Soooo not happy about that. Plus I forgot I have an ortho appointment and it happens to be during one of my shifts so I have to figure that one out. Maybe I should call in sick. Or maybe I will just like pass out at work from the lack of food and fluids that I have been getting lately. Probably not a good things but at least I wouldn't have to work then...
Well i really need sleep so I am going to go!
Night
Lana Lou
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Lazy Day
Sooooo today I have done absolutely nothing. I have watched movies like all freaking day. Everyone was busy though!! Oh wait...I cleaned my car and the basement so I suppose I did something.....but still.
I slept in until like 12:15 which felt totally wonderful. My parents left at noon so go where ever they went and they are still gone and it is 7:40 right now. Parents gone all day and I've done nothing. How sad. My sister is gone too. So yea... I got up, made lunch since I missed breakfast, watched twister, then did my cleaning, then watched district 9, the fools gold, then the last half of the ugly truth and now the golden compass! Yea...I know...that is sooo sad.
Ohh wait...I hear my parents. They just got home.
I also just replied back to my birthmom so I can't wait to hear what she says. I've asked her some questions so yea.
Yesterday I went shopping. I dragged poor Brad along with me to Pink so I could get 7 panties for $25 and a bra and I also got some pink yogo pants while i was there. Yea that all cost me $86. So sad. But I am happy so it is all good. Then me and Brad went to meijer where we got another kinetc game. The Dancing one and it is awesome. I am sore today from it. It was super fun. Then I went home cause me and Nelson had plans to hang out so we did. We watched scott pilgrim vs the world and i feel asleep for like the last third of it....my bad. But it was fun and we got to catch up with eachother so that was sweet.
I am still waiting. Waiting for something to happen. I'm not sure what. Just something. That would be nice. I think. Not quite sure. I'm just ready for something to happen.
I am still bored....probably going to go talk to my parents. Okay well ttyl.
Lana
I slept in until like 12:15 which felt totally wonderful. My parents left at noon so go where ever they went and they are still gone and it is 7:40 right now. Parents gone all day and I've done nothing. How sad. My sister is gone too. So yea... I got up, made lunch since I missed breakfast, watched twister, then did my cleaning, then watched district 9, the fools gold, then the last half of the ugly truth and now the golden compass! Yea...I know...that is sooo sad.
Ohh wait...I hear my parents. They just got home.
I also just replied back to my birthmom so I can't wait to hear what she says. I've asked her some questions so yea.
Yesterday I went shopping. I dragged poor Brad along with me to Pink so I could get 7 panties for $25 and a bra and I also got some pink yogo pants while i was there. Yea that all cost me $86. So sad. But I am happy so it is all good. Then me and Brad went to meijer where we got another kinetc game. The Dancing one and it is awesome. I am sore today from it. It was super fun. Then I went home cause me and Nelson had plans to hang out so we did. We watched scott pilgrim vs the world and i feel asleep for like the last third of it....my bad. But it was fun and we got to catch up with eachother so that was sweet.
I am still waiting. Waiting for something to happen. I'm not sure what. Just something. That would be nice. I think. Not quite sure. I'm just ready for something to happen.
I am still bored....probably going to go talk to my parents. Okay well ttyl.
Lana
Friday, November 12, 2010
Found
OMG! YES! Soooooooooo I totally found my Birthmom. It is for sure her. I gave in and friend requested her and then the next night I gave in and actually messaged her. Then I waited...
and waited.....
and waited....
and waited....
and waited....
AND THENNN!
Last night as I was walking out of class, I was waiting for Nelson to text me back and I saw I had a facebook message! So I was like omg omg omg omg OPEN! but nooooooooooo I had to lose my internet connection in the stupid parking garage. So I'm like omg get in car and get out of here so I can read it!!! As soon as I got out of the parking garage I hit the refresh button and of course it took forever to load but then I saw it! She messaged me back! So I started to read it but then the light turned GREEN! So I had to stop....
Eventually over the course of multiple red lights I was able to read the whole thing....and this is what she said!!
Patty Strickler Reisz November 11 at 5:57pm Report
Alana, It is so good to hear from you! Looking at your birthday, name, geographic location and the red hair, I think i am your Birthmom!
I am definitely open to communicating with you. I'd love to be able to answer your questions and also hear about your life so far! My home email is (you don't get to know this) and our home phone is (cant know this either =P).
Ironically, I just got back to Cincinnati after several days in Grand Rapids on business. However, I just picked this message up today.
I really look forward to hearing from you,
Patty
Isn't that like totally awesome?!?!? I think so. Although my Mom sounded like she was fine with it all but last night my Dad told me that she really wasn't and she feels like she has competition now. So now I feel like totally bad about that and I have to talk to her about it. There is no way she has to worry about anything. I mean...my Mom is the one that raised me and taught me everything I know and she will be my only mother that I will ever have. I just want to talk to Patty because I am hoping to find out more about myself in doing so. She is the one who passed on her genes to me and could help me figure out why I am the way I am. Plus I have always been curious about meeting her. It's like having another sister or Aunt or something. But no one could ever replace my Mom. She is the best! And I love her dearly!
I have no idea where to start with all my questions and what to even say back to her! I never thought this would be happening but it is! I'm excited! So we shall see.
Soooo yea my week has been pretty dull....except for Brad getting kinect!! That is freaking badass and he needs to get more games for it! My arms are still sore from it...and I have bruises on my hand from hitting his ceiling....lol. It was a grand time and I highly suggest that people try it out.
I want my TIGER!
Ummmmmm I totally hit my head extremely hard on my car this morning...it hurt...bad.
I also feel really guilty cause I skipped class this morning....and lied to my Mom about it. And now I feel bad. But I hate that class and I had to leave it early anyway for an appointment with a new psychiatrist and I didn't want to listen to the prof lecture for that whole time and not understand a word of it. *sigh* Shame on me. First and last time it will happen with this class! I promise!!
Totally hanging out with Matt Nelson today and watching "Scott Pilgrim VS. the world" and I am excited cause it was a good movie and I haven't seen that kid in a while. Kelsey broke up with him again...poor thing. Although he got to go see Dane Cook last night so now I don't feel that bad. I'm super jealous.
OHHHH! I have a fun fact of the day!!!! Well if there are guys reading this then I think you will be more disgusted by it then anything. But I thought it was very interesting and it was something I didn't know!
Soooooooo, I was at the zoo on Wednesday and I was working with Andy and we were checking on the Baboons and Andy was like "Yea she must be on her period, yesterday she snapped at me when I brought them in" I totally thought she just meant a figure of speech but then she went on to say, "Yea and then I saw some blood on in the cage so she must be on it" And I was like "wait...baboons get periods? Really?" And she was like " Oh yea, Chimps do too, there cycle is monthly like ours but the baboons is all messed up" Sooo yea like I had no idea that some primates got periods and also got moody when they were on them!! That is crazyy. You learn something new every day!
So wasn't that just an awesome fun fact! I bet you guys liked that one haha.
So yea everything has been going fairly well. I'm still a little down about some things and am starting to think I was right. Even though I keep waiting and hoping I was wrong...it doesn't seem to be looking that way. I miss people. Not gonna lie. It gets pretty lonely after a while
MY GOSH THE PHONE WON"T SHUT UP!
....ughhh...apparently the st.marys is closing down the day of my appointment so I had to re-schedule it....again.
Anyway so yeaaa.....
I signed up for classes next semester! Should be interesting... I'm taking animal biology, econ, ummmmmm....ohh writing anddddd ohh psych! I'm hoping to see if I can get my ap psych credit to transfer so then I don't have to take the basic psych and I can drop econ and take abnormal psych or child psych instead...I can't take those now cause you need the basic psych as a pre-rec first which is lameeeee. Should be an interesting schedule and I will have like no free time. I managed to keep fridays free as a day for appointments and to do whatever I need to do cause the rest on my week is going to be crazy. I had to sign up for 12 credits to make sure I could be on my parents health insurance but I'm probably going to drop one or two classes cause there is no way I could handle four classes.
It seems like a lot of people are coming to C.C. this semester...well I know of three but that seems like a lot to me. Mainly cause I don't actually know too many people who go there, let alone actually run into anyone. Then again, I just go to class and leave without hanging around. I hope next semester goes better than this one...I'm not doing as well as I want to be doing. Well I'm doing fine in math...just not history. I think it will...they're more of the classes that I actually enjoy so that will help.
Okay yea this is beginning to be a long blog...Soooooo I'm going to end it here!
Byeee
Lana-Lou
and waited.....
and waited....
and waited....
and waited....
AND THENNN!
Last night as I was walking out of class, I was waiting for Nelson to text me back and I saw I had a facebook message! So I was like omg omg omg omg OPEN! but nooooooooooo I had to lose my internet connection in the stupid parking garage. So I'm like omg get in car and get out of here so I can read it!!! As soon as I got out of the parking garage I hit the refresh button and of course it took forever to load but then I saw it! She messaged me back! So I started to read it but then the light turned GREEN! So I had to stop....
Eventually over the course of multiple red lights I was able to read the whole thing....and this is what she said!!
Patty Strickler Reisz November 11 at 5:57pm Report
Alana, It is so good to hear from you! Looking at your birthday, name, geographic location and the red hair, I think i am your Birthmom!
I am definitely open to communicating with you. I'd love to be able to answer your questions and also hear about your life so far! My home email is (you don't get to know this) and our home phone is (cant know this either =P).
Ironically, I just got back to Cincinnati after several days in Grand Rapids on business. However, I just picked this message up today.
I really look forward to hearing from you,
Patty
Isn't that like totally awesome?!?!? I think so. Although my Mom sounded like she was fine with it all but last night my Dad told me that she really wasn't and she feels like she has competition now. So now I feel like totally bad about that and I have to talk to her about it. There is no way she has to worry about anything. I mean...my Mom is the one that raised me and taught me everything I know and she will be my only mother that I will ever have. I just want to talk to Patty because I am hoping to find out more about myself in doing so. She is the one who passed on her genes to me and could help me figure out why I am the way I am. Plus I have always been curious about meeting her. It's like having another sister or Aunt or something. But no one could ever replace my Mom. She is the best! And I love her dearly!
I have no idea where to start with all my questions and what to even say back to her! I never thought this would be happening but it is! I'm excited! So we shall see.
Soooo yea my week has been pretty dull....except for Brad getting kinect!! That is freaking badass and he needs to get more games for it! My arms are still sore from it...and I have bruises on my hand from hitting his ceiling....lol. It was a grand time and I highly suggest that people try it out.
I want my TIGER!
Ummmmmm I totally hit my head extremely hard on my car this morning...it hurt...bad.
I also feel really guilty cause I skipped class this morning....and lied to my Mom about it. And now I feel bad. But I hate that class and I had to leave it early anyway for an appointment with a new psychiatrist and I didn't want to listen to the prof lecture for that whole time and not understand a word of it. *sigh* Shame on me. First and last time it will happen with this class! I promise!!
Totally hanging out with Matt Nelson today and watching "Scott Pilgrim VS. the world" and I am excited cause it was a good movie and I haven't seen that kid in a while. Kelsey broke up with him again...poor thing. Although he got to go see Dane Cook last night so now I don't feel that bad. I'm super jealous.
OHHHH! I have a fun fact of the day!!!! Well if there are guys reading this then I think you will be more disgusted by it then anything. But I thought it was very interesting and it was something I didn't know!
Soooooooo, I was at the zoo on Wednesday and I was working with Andy and we were checking on the Baboons and Andy was like "Yea she must be on her period, yesterday she snapped at me when I brought them in" I totally thought she just meant a figure of speech but then she went on to say, "Yea and then I saw some blood on in the cage so she must be on it" And I was like "wait...baboons get periods? Really?" And she was like " Oh yea, Chimps do too, there cycle is monthly like ours but the baboons is all messed up" Sooo yea like I had no idea that some primates got periods and also got moody when they were on them!! That is crazyy. You learn something new every day!
So wasn't that just an awesome fun fact! I bet you guys liked that one haha.
So yea everything has been going fairly well. I'm still a little down about some things and am starting to think I was right. Even though I keep waiting and hoping I was wrong...it doesn't seem to be looking that way. I miss people. Not gonna lie. It gets pretty lonely after a while
MY GOSH THE PHONE WON"T SHUT UP!
....ughhh...apparently the st.marys is closing down the day of my appointment so I had to re-schedule it....again.
Anyway so yeaaa.....
I signed up for classes next semester! Should be interesting... I'm taking animal biology, econ, ummmmmm....ohh writing anddddd ohh psych! I'm hoping to see if I can get my ap psych credit to transfer so then I don't have to take the basic psych and I can drop econ and take abnormal psych or child psych instead...I can't take those now cause you need the basic psych as a pre-rec first which is lameeeee. Should be an interesting schedule and I will have like no free time. I managed to keep fridays free as a day for appointments and to do whatever I need to do cause the rest on my week is going to be crazy. I had to sign up for 12 credits to make sure I could be on my parents health insurance but I'm probably going to drop one or two classes cause there is no way I could handle four classes.
It seems like a lot of people are coming to C.C. this semester...well I know of three but that seems like a lot to me. Mainly cause I don't actually know too many people who go there, let alone actually run into anyone. Then again, I just go to class and leave without hanging around. I hope next semester goes better than this one...I'm not doing as well as I want to be doing. Well I'm doing fine in math...just not history. I think it will...they're more of the classes that I actually enjoy so that will help.
Okay yea this is beginning to be a long blog...Soooooo I'm going to end it here!
Byeee
Lana-Lou
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Gave in
I gave in....
I couldn't wait so I sent a friend request to my Birth mom and figure I shall wait to see what happens and go from there.
I am excited and really nervous at the same time!
I couldn't wait so I sent a friend request to my Birth mom and figure I shall wait to see what happens and go from there.
I am excited and really nervous at the same time!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I can't believe it!
I can't believe it! I'm pretty sure I just found my birthmom and on facebook of all places. I was bored and just decided to see if I could find her on facebook so I got out the info that I had of her and began searching and maybe an hour later...I found her! Everything seems to match up. Where she went to school, how old she is, her sibling....it all like lines up with each other. It is so crazy. We even share similarities in the way we look too.
I've always been curious on what it would be like to meet her but it was never one of those things that I just had to do. I could take it or leave it since my parents are the ones who raised me and take care of me. But now... with this right in front of me, i have the chance to ask all the questions that I've always wanted to ask her and perhaps the chance to even meet her!
But what do I say? "Hi I don't know if you remember me but I'm your daughter that you gave up or adoption 19 years ago and I randomly found you on facebook and decided to say hi".......? yea... i have no idea. Like what if she put that part of her life behind her. What if she doesn't care anymore. What if it really isn't her. What if she doesn't want contact with me? Ahhhh! So i'm not sure what to do? Should I just like friend request her and see if she says anything to me? I have no idea.
I really do hope that something will work out though. I would love to talk to her and find out more about her. Hopefully that will happen.
I have a test tomorrow in History that I didn't study for again. One, because I have no idea how to study for these tests and another reason is this whole birthmom thing totally distracting me. Heck I'm probably not even going to be able to sleep tonight...that's going to be fun. Oh well.
I should get to bed. Night all.
Lana
I've always been curious on what it would be like to meet her but it was never one of those things that I just had to do. I could take it or leave it since my parents are the ones who raised me and take care of me. But now... with this right in front of me, i have the chance to ask all the questions that I've always wanted to ask her and perhaps the chance to even meet her!
But what do I say? "Hi I don't know if you remember me but I'm your daughter that you gave up or adoption 19 years ago and I randomly found you on facebook and decided to say hi".......? yea... i have no idea. Like what if she put that part of her life behind her. What if she doesn't care anymore. What if it really isn't her. What if she doesn't want contact with me? Ahhhh! So i'm not sure what to do? Should I just like friend request her and see if she says anything to me? I have no idea.
I really do hope that something will work out though. I would love to talk to her and find out more about her. Hopefully that will happen.
I have a test tomorrow in History that I didn't study for again. One, because I have no idea how to study for these tests and another reason is this whole birthmom thing totally distracting me. Heck I'm probably not even going to be able to sleep tonight...that's going to be fun. Oh well.
I should get to bed. Night all.
Lana
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Red
So re-cap on the last couple of days since I haven't blogged in a while. My Halloween went very well. Woke up for church in the morning then went to panera after for some brunch I suppose. I made pumpkins and finally finished one of them on Sunday. It was pretty awesome I must say. After that I went over to Brad's house and ate some yummy angel food cake. Soooo good! I had to dress up for Halloween even though we weren't doing anything so I did. Idk what I was though...pirate? gypsy? Not sure but it was still fun. Me and Brad then went to the mall so I could by my Mom and birthday gift. I got her a new journal to take church notes it =). Then we went to Meijer cause I really wanted to make pumpkins bars and we needed to get stuff for them and before we went home to make them we stopped at family video and rented "Friday the 13th" and "Nightmare on Elm Street." The new versions of each. Back to his house we went to make the bars and watch Beauty and the Beast on Blu-ray as that was going on. After the bars were made it was time for dinner and we ate. Then we put in "Friday the 13th" but had to stop it to go back to my house and watch it so Josh could come over.
Josh came over and we started the movie up again. We watched both of them and they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be but I did jump at parts. We had lots of fun mocking them though =D. Well Brad had to be at work by 7 so he left and Me and Josh were going to watch a second movie but then my Dad called me upstairs and was all like "Did Brad leave?" and I was like "Yea...." and he was like "Then Josh needs to go too" then he leaned into the basement and said "You hear that Josh?" Ohhh I was pissed. So Josh left and I went upstairs and started bickering at my Dad. I told him that he shouldn't be so rude, he was my friend and my Dad was all like you know how I feel about him and I don't like him around, you should respect my feelings and I was like I do respect your feelings but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hanging out with him and he was like well then you don't respect my feelings. it was bad. Even my Mom who isn't a fan of Josh either, stopped in my room later and asked me if I was alright, she felt bad.
So later my Dad came into my bedroom and sat down on the bed with me. He told me he was sorry about the way he had acted and he shouldn't be so rude. He was so used to being able to control me, puts rules on me to protect me and he's learning that I'm growing up and he can't do that anymore. I'm old enough to make my own decisions. He told me he would like to apologize to Josh, though he still doesn't like him and it is going to take a long time for him to get over that. We talked about some more things too. I was shocked that he was admitting to all of that but it made me feel much better and I'm glad things are starting to get somewhat better in that area.
Monday was a super long day. I worked alllllll day from 10:30-7:30 and right after work my Dad picked me up and we went shopping for my Mom since her birthday was the next day. So we didn't get home until like 8:30-9:00 and I was exhausted by that point. I pretty much went straight to bed, put a movie in and fell asleep to it.
Today I had to get up at 6:00 so I could be ready to leave to vote with my Dad by 7:15 since I had to be at the zoo by 8 and my Dad had to be in Ann Arbor by 11. I didn't want to go alone to vote either so that time I guess worked out the best. It was an interesting experience. A couple ladies high-fived me after they found out it was my first time voting and were like "congrats! Good job! Yayy!" and i was like....haha yea.... I was amazed thought that me and Dad got there at 7:20, voting opened at 7:00 and I was the 62 person to vote there.. crazy! I feel good though cause apparently these are going to be some of the most important elections of all time and I got to take place in them! I could have made a difference! Yayy!!
I totally left at 7:48 and had to make it to the zoo by 8 and I totally did! While I was super low on gas too! I was proud of myself and that had to be record time. The zoo was a normal day. It was super cold though and it's only going to get colder...oh I just can't wait for winters at the zoo. Fun stuff right there! Right after the zoo I went to Math class and took a quiz and then left for home where dinner was being made but wasn't ready till an hour and a half later but it was yummy. It was for my Mom's birthday. She opened her presents and loved all of them of course. And yea that was pretty much it for my day.
Ohh my nickname is apparently Red now. I've had two different people call me red in the last 3 days. Weird. One was like "Hey! How's it going red?" That was with someone I work with at the zoo. And the other was just like "What do you want to do red?" and that was said by a friend who has never called me that before. It was so random. And i'm not even a full redhead! But I guess I could be called worse things so it works for me! =D
I'm super tired now though. I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow cause I don't have to be anywhere until 1:30. So yea I'm going to head to bed now. Night.
Lana
Josh came over and we started the movie up again. We watched both of them and they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be but I did jump at parts. We had lots of fun mocking them though =D. Well Brad had to be at work by 7 so he left and Me and Josh were going to watch a second movie but then my Dad called me upstairs and was all like "Did Brad leave?" and I was like "Yea...." and he was like "Then Josh needs to go too" then he leaned into the basement and said "You hear that Josh?" Ohhh I was pissed. So Josh left and I went upstairs and started bickering at my Dad. I told him that he shouldn't be so rude, he was my friend and my Dad was all like you know how I feel about him and I don't like him around, you should respect my feelings and I was like I do respect your feelings but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hanging out with him and he was like well then you don't respect my feelings. it was bad. Even my Mom who isn't a fan of Josh either, stopped in my room later and asked me if I was alright, she felt bad.
So later my Dad came into my bedroom and sat down on the bed with me. He told me he was sorry about the way he had acted and he shouldn't be so rude. He was so used to being able to control me, puts rules on me to protect me and he's learning that I'm growing up and he can't do that anymore. I'm old enough to make my own decisions. He told me he would like to apologize to Josh, though he still doesn't like him and it is going to take a long time for him to get over that. We talked about some more things too. I was shocked that he was admitting to all of that but it made me feel much better and I'm glad things are starting to get somewhat better in that area.
Monday was a super long day. I worked alllllll day from 10:30-7:30 and right after work my Dad picked me up and we went shopping for my Mom since her birthday was the next day. So we didn't get home until like 8:30-9:00 and I was exhausted by that point. I pretty much went straight to bed, put a movie in and fell asleep to it.
Today I had to get up at 6:00 so I could be ready to leave to vote with my Dad by 7:15 since I had to be at the zoo by 8 and my Dad had to be in Ann Arbor by 11. I didn't want to go alone to vote either so that time I guess worked out the best. It was an interesting experience. A couple ladies high-fived me after they found out it was my first time voting and were like "congrats! Good job! Yayy!" and i was like....haha yea.... I was amazed thought that me and Dad got there at 7:20, voting opened at 7:00 and I was the 62 person to vote there.. crazy! I feel good though cause apparently these are going to be some of the most important elections of all time and I got to take place in them! I could have made a difference! Yayy!!
I totally left at 7:48 and had to make it to the zoo by 8 and I totally did! While I was super low on gas too! I was proud of myself and that had to be record time. The zoo was a normal day. It was super cold though and it's only going to get colder...oh I just can't wait for winters at the zoo. Fun stuff right there! Right after the zoo I went to Math class and took a quiz and then left for home where dinner was being made but wasn't ready till an hour and a half later but it was yummy. It was for my Mom's birthday. She opened her presents and loved all of them of course. And yea that was pretty much it for my day.
Ohh my nickname is apparently Red now. I've had two different people call me red in the last 3 days. Weird. One was like "Hey! How's it going red?" That was with someone I work with at the zoo. And the other was just like "What do you want to do red?" and that was said by a friend who has never called me that before. It was so random. And i'm not even a full redhead! But I guess I could be called worse things so it works for me! =D
I'm super tired now though. I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow cause I don't have to be anywhere until 1:30. So yea I'm going to head to bed now. Night.
Lana
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