Silent applause

Yea this is an unhappy post.

Last night. I had a fun night. Met a couple new people. Just chilled. It was shweet. Didn't get home until 4:30am. Of course my parents happened to be getting up just as I was walking in the door.

Perfect timing.

Dad met me half way on the stairs. He was pissed. He started asking why I was late. I told him, I don't know, cause I am. Cause I just got home. I didn't have really an excuse at all. I was hanging out with people and decided to stay out past curfew. I told him that straight up. He goes on to question my judgement and why I would think that is okay when I know my curfew was at 2 and it is his house and I need to follow the rules while living here.

He told me that all I cared about was freedom and no responsibility. Bullshit.

I told him I was sorry. He told me know that I'm not. He was right. I didn't have anything to say to that.

We stood there in silence.

Finally I asked what he was waiting for me to say. What did he want to hear from me. He was like good point, I don't want an apology and I know if I say don't do it again, you will anyway. So what are we going to do about this. I asked instead what he was going to do about it because what I would do and what he would do would be totally different. He told me I was right but nothing else was said.

I said goodnight and went to bed.

This is what pisses me off is cause I work my ass off every single day to prove to them I can be responsible. I do everything they ask me to and I don't complain. I get to work on time. I make all my own appointments and don't miss any of them. I clean up after myself. Do my own laundry. Pay for my own gas. Buy anything I need with my own money. Even sometimes by my own groceries. I've always been home on time for curfew.

I come home late one time. One time in a long time. And I get bitched at and told I'm not responsible and I just care about abusing my freedom. Seriously?

A week ago we had a conversation about responsibility and they were lecturing me on all the things I would eventually be responsible in life some day. I was like that's great, what does that have to do with right now? They didn't have an answer except they wanted me to understand that that's what I'm gonna have to do in life some day. I told them yea I know that...but I don't have to be right now, you guys offer to cover those things now and if you asked me to cover them I would find a way but you don't ask me to cause you know I can't afford to. But out of all the things you do ask me to cover, what am I not being responsible for? They couldn't answer that. Why? Cause there wasn't anything I wasn't being responsible for.

Then they say something about making sure I know how to keep a budget. Okay yea i'm pretty sure I know how to handle my money. I've always made sure I have enough to cover what I need and I've never over-drawn an account so I'm pretty sure I'm good there. And they were just like oh okay good.

Like seriously?

It's never, We're so proud of the great job you're doing Alana! We see you're working so hard and you've done a great job taking care of everything you need to. Way to go, keep up the good work.

No it's nothing until I mess something up and then it's all me being irresponsible and shit. Omg sorry for not being perfect and making mistakes and breaking the rules once in a great while. My bad.

I've put in 48 hours of work just this week. It's been like that for three weeks now and is gonna be like that for at least another two weeks. I'm going to have a streak of working 44+ days straight. Don't tell me I'm not doing shit. And I'm sorry for wanting to hang out with my friends when I get the time.

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! This is all such bullshit.

Ohh and to top it all off, Nicole is pissed at me cause I decided I didn't want to lie to matt about going over to her friends house last night. Cause last night she told him we were just hanging at her house and I was like whatever yea I don't want you guys fighting so thats fine if you tell him that. And all today and I played it off like me and her just chilled. Well then he called me tonight and we were talking about things and I felt that I needed to tell him what really happened last night cause I didn't like lying to him. So I did. And he was upset. Which I understand. But then he had to call Nicole right away. So he did and he bitched her out and then she texted me blaming it all on me. Okay I didn't know he was going to sit there and bitch at her. I honestly didn't.

But yea now she's pissed at me. Which I understand cause I told her I would lie and then I broke her trust. But matthew is also one of my best friends and I hate lying to him. I've known him a lot longer and we are a lot closer than me and nicole are.

I just hate being close to both of them cause I never know what to tell them and what not to tell them. I don't want to lie to them about things but I also don't want them to be pissed at me for telling things. What the hell am I suppose to do then?? I just don't know.

I try so hard just to stay out of it but I always end up getting sucked in. I just wanted to be honest. I wanted to do the right thing. What I felt was right at least. But I never end up doing it in the end. I always mess up some how no matter how hard I try.

I do so much shit for these people too. Like seriously you don't even know and again I make a mistake and just get bitched at instead.


Can you telling I'm pmsing? I'm an emotional wreck right now. Usually happens around this time. Like anyone cares.

I like the happy me. I want to stay the happy me. I don't need drama.

Thanks guys. I doubt anyone will read all of this but I just needed to really vent. It's mainly my parents that are the issues right now anyway.

Okay I need to sleep. Good Night everyone


Ohh and on a good note....Brad's birthday party is later today!!!!!! I'm so looking forward to that cause I know for sure that it is going to take my mind off everything and I'm going to have a great time with all my awesome friends that always make me laugh and smile. So HELLZ TO THE FUCK YEA!!!!!!! can't wait =D